Ladies, 5 Crazy Things That KILL Your Chance For An Orgasm!

Have your attempts to achieve "the big O" been unsuccessful? Here's why.
We live in an orgasm-focused society. Orgasms are perceived as the proverbial icing on the already tasty sexual cake.
Millions of women feel "gypped" or "broken" if they are unable to achieve the coveted climax. We are so invested in the notion of orgasms that faking orgasms is common; most women admit to having done so at some point. And, during a recent session of sex therapy in my office, a wife disclosed to her husband that she has been faking orgasms throughout their entire 43-year marriage.
Despite our misguided notion that having an orgasm is the primary reason to have sex, when it comes to women, it is no sure thing. There are many obstacles that can undermine a woman's capacity to achieve orgasm. I will focus on five today:


1. Illness and/or medication. A wide range of illnesses, including diabetes, multiple sclerosis, cancer, and spinal cord injuries can damage physiologic processes necessary to achieve orgasm. These illnesses may also affect a woman's sense of femininity, disrupting her sexual confidence.
Medication can also affect the orgasm phase of sexual response. Blood pressure medications, antihistamines, and certain psychotropic drugs can make it difficult to achieve climax. In particular, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are the most commonly prescribed class of anti-depressants and certain antipsychotics, which raise prolactin levels and are common culprits of orgasm disorders.
2. Aging. The normal aging process can also take a toll on a woman's ability to achieve orgasm.
As we age, we have fewer hormones, especially estrogen. This can affect our neurological and circulatory functioning. As estrogen levels decline, sensations in the clitoris and nipples are decreased, causing limited blood flow to the genitals. As vascular efficiency decreases, orgasm difficulties increase.


3. Cultural messages. Many of my female patients report unresolved cultural and religious beliefs that make it difficult to achieve orgasm.
Negative messages about sex often become deeply ingrained, subconsciously shaping the way we allow ourselves to respond during erotic situations. "I didn't want to be one of those 'bad' girls," a 24-year-old graduate student told me. "I denied my sexuality for so long that now I can't take it back."
What does it mean for a woman to achieve orgasm with a partner? It means she owns her sexuality, deserves and can allow her partner to witness her in a vulnerable state. It means she knows her own body and is not dependent on her partner for sexual stimulation and gratification. It means she can comfortably communicate with her partner about her sexual expectations and preferences.
A recent article suggested a link between EQ (emotional quotient) and a woman's capacity to achieve orgasm. The higher a woman's EQ (the ability to identify and manage emotions of one's self and others), the more likely she is to achieve orgasm.


4. Discomfort with intimacy: "Amy," a happily married mother of three, sought treatment for the inability to achieve orgasm. "I can sing in front of my kids," she said, "but I could never sing in front of my husband. What if I sing off key? What if I look stupid?"
My response to her: "When you can sing in front of your husband, you will be able to have an orgasm in front of him, too." So how can Amy allow herself to let go during sex when she can't tolerate intimacy and vulnerability in non-sexual situations?
Shame and eroticism are commonly paired during sexual development. "Annemarie" was sexually abused by her older brother from age seven to nine. To avoid acknowledging the abuse, Annemarie feigned sleep when her abuser brother entered her room at night.
"It was easier to pretend I was asleep than to attempt to deal with all of the confusing feelings." Annemarie invariably associates sexual response with shame. She can’t allow herself to achieve orgasm because she can't bear to recall that profound shame from her past. She has not had an orgasm in 28 years.


5. Anger and resentment. Problems experienced between couples outside the bedroom are often played out inside the bedroom as well.
"Joan," a 42-year old, married mother of two, reported intense contempt and anger toward her husband during a recent session in my office. When I question her as to why she is unreceptive to an orgasm, she tells me "I don’t want him to think he has any affect on me."
And what about the woman whose husband threatens her? "You better be fun in bed," he says, "Or else!" If you don't loosen up and enjoy yourself, I'm going to divorce you."
"Laney," who suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, is already distracted by intrusive thoughts during sex. Now she has the added pressure to "be fun." Imagine trying to achieve orgasm under these conditions. And what of the many women who were taught that sex is dirty?


The good news? A little education goes a long way! Simply sharing statistics or debunking myths can have significant therapeutic value.
It is comforting to hear that less than 20 percent of women can reliably achieve orgasm from intercourse alone. Providing women an opportunity to explore their shame, anger, fear, or other negative emotions can be extremely liberating.
Most women appreciate the chance to gain insight into their sexuality. Centuries of stigma around female sexuality will not disappear overnight, but we are starting to see subtle shifts in the pendulum toward a healthier outlook.
Let me know what gets in your way of achieving orgasm and I'll try to help!

Real Women Reveal: Can You Orgasm From Intercourse Alone?

Most women can orgasm from masturbation, but not everyone comes during sex. YourTango investigates.

Most women can orgasm through masturbation. The clitoris is sensitive enough that many ladies can get off by playing with it.

But what about the poor g-spot? It's the hot-button question among friends brave enough to ask: Can you orgasm from intercourse alone?

In this age of frank talk about getting it on, suddenly everyone's a sexpert. It's not only accepted, but expected that we dissect our love lives over brunch. And it's rare that any racy inquiry has conversation-stopping powers.
With one exception.
Now, we've moved beyond the yes-or-no question of whether friends orgasm to the new dishy issue du jour: how, exactly, we all get there. His hands? Yours? A little help from a vibrator? Is intercourse a sure-fire autobahn to ecstasy for everyone? Is an orgasm from penetration alone somehow better? And if it doesn't work for you, does that mean something's wrong?


Your Orgasm, Explained
Facts first: "80 percent of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone," says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. Still, "many women are socially wired to expect to orgasm via penetration," he says.
The good news? An orgasm achieved through penetration isn't a better, more intense, or a more "real" sexual experience than any other. To understand why requires clearing up a common misconception: "There's no such thing as a pure vaginal orgasm," says Kerner. "The path to consistent, satisfying female orgasms is through clitoral stimulation."
Now, here's the rub: you may be stimulating your clitoris without knowing it. "Many people think of the clitoris as the little nub that's hidden by the clitoral hood and juts out of the body," says Carolyn Riccardi, education coordinator at Babeland, a female-friendly sex shop in New York City. "But that's not the case. The clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone. The clitoral 'legs' extend back into the body, so when a woman is penetrated, the clitoris is responding to sensation."


The bottom line: "All orgasms are created equal," says Riccardi.
Reassuring, but aren't you still curious? If only one in five women orgasms from intercourse alone, how do the rest get off — one-handed, no-handed, go-to sex toy? In the spirit of full disclosure, I asked friends and strangers alike to share their secrets.
The Haves and The Have-Nots
So, who can do it no-handed-and who can't?
"My first orgasm was from penetration," confesses Julie, 27. "I've always been able to get off, no hands needed. My friends get jealous when I tell them that, but I'm actually jealous of them!" Julie had to learn how to have an orgasm from oral sex and self-stimulation. "I thought something was wrong with me!" she laments.


Firmly entrenched on the other side of the fence is Paige, 36. "It's my biggest goal in life to orgasm during sex without manual manipulation," she says. "I always feel like I'm getting close, and then I just can't peak." (To get her there, her boyfriend usually stages a manual intervention.)
While she has no critiques regarding their technique, Riccardi suggests Paige try to enjoy the process rather than focus on the end goal. "Sometimes, when you have goal-oriented sex, you miss out on the pleasure," she says.
A common phenomenon, actually. Only Lauren, 32, started fretting about her orgasms after the fact. "I was never able to get off without manual reinforcement, until I started sleeping with a guy I called 'four-minute man,'" she laughs. "When he was on top, I would have an orgasm in four minutes flat." Lauren got busy trying to figure out why: "He wasn't someone I was in love with or even totally attracted to," she says. Her surprising discovery? "I finally determined it was because he had a bit of a Buddha belly. The extra pressure was assisting me in the orgasm!"
There's one reason to embrace his beer gut. But there are other ways to reach the hallowed O, whether your partner is thick or thin:


"We often forget that stimulating the pubic bone, thighs and belly can really add up to the ability to orgasm," says Riccardi. Which may explain the lucky position on which Katrina, 25, has come to rely. She gets on top, "putting my legs straight behind me so they are lying on top of his," she says. "The angle works every time."
It might, concedes Riccardi. "There's not one secret position that offers the greatest orgasmic possibility for everyone. We often discover which position works for us and stick with it."
Which brings us full circle: The secret to satisfying sex? Not being afraid to talk about, or experiment with, what works best for you.
Colleen Oakley is a writer in Atlanta. Polling her friends for this piece taught her the true meaning of "too much information."

Republicans, Lesbians + 8 Other People Having More Orgasms Than You

How do stack up?
If we're to be really honest, I think we can all agree that we have sex because having an orgasm is the absolute best. We may also be able to admit that even when we don't climax, sex is still pretty fun... but orgasms are the absolute best!
Thanks to some very precious knowledge from sex studies, we can now all orgasm all the time by forcing ourselves to become a member of one of the following groups. (You wanted to change careers anyway, right?)
1. Get your geek on!
Of all the occupations out there, it's single men and women who have jobs in the computer and engineering fields, who have the most orgasms at a whopping 64 percent, according to the Singles in America study.
Definitely gives a new meaning to the term "Computer Geek," doesn’t it?
2. Welcome to Miami ...
You'd think a cold place is where you'd find the most action — you know, to stay warm — and that would lead to the most orgasms, but apparently, it's not true. If you're looking to score high on the orgasm totem pole, then Miami is where you need to be, because 60 percent are climaxing in that city.

3. Girl power!
Who are the women getting off the most? In a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers found when having sex with a familiar partner, straight women orgasm only 63 percent of the time. Bisexual women reach the big O only 58 percent of the time. As for lesbians? They're the winners in bed. They get off 75 percent of the time.
4. Go, granny, go.
It may make you cringe to think that your grandma might be getting it on, but The American Journal
found that ladies from 80 to 99 years old are far more sexually satisfied than women in their 20s and 30s. Such satisfaction may even help women live longer.
5. Take THAT, Apple!
The Singles in America study found that those who use Androids as opposed to any other smartphone, orgasm the most. Just how much more? Fifty-five percent more. Time for a new phone??



6. Oh so "right"
Yes, Republicans are having way more orgasms than members of any other political party. You can pick your jaw up now. The reason for this may be because they're so sure in their values that it leads to lots of relaxation, and in turn, lots of orgasms.
7. Ginger-iffic!
Actually, blondes do not have more fun after all. At a 41 percent orgasm rate, it's redheads who get off the most. Second in line are the blondes at 36 percent, but no word on the brunettes. However, the study doesn't specify if these redheads and blondes have to be natural or not in order to enjoy this perk.
8. More macho, please

If you're one of those women out there who prefer ultra-masculine men, then you're totally in luck. A study by Penn State researchers found that women whose partners are oozing at the seams with manliness orgasm pretty much all the time. And, if you're looking to make a baby, such a man and his extra manly seed with also aid in getting you preggers.
9. Repeat offenders
While this in no way suggests you hook up with your ex, the Singles in America study did find that 44 percent of people orgasm 90 to 100 percent of the time when they're having sex with someone they've done it with many times before. Makes sense; practice does make perfect.
10. Wallet size matters

According to a study from Newcastle University, wealthy men "cause women to experience more orgasms." They're unsure as to exactly why, but there's speculation these women are more relaxed, have higher estrogen levels or are intrinsically more orgasmic.


So maybe this is what gold diggers are really after ...

The KEY To Having Multiple Orgasms... REVEALED!

Because you should have all of the orgasms, too.
By Korin Miller
Most of us have multiple orgasms just about as often as we spend an hour on the treadmill—it’s a great idea in theory, but it rarely happens.
But now, the online orgasm-training platform OMGYes is working hard to change that. The site recently revealed the results of its 2015 Study of Women's Sexual Pleasure, which dives right into the topic of multiple orgasms—and, most importantly, how to achieve them.
For the study, 1,055 women aged 18 to 95 opened up about their sex lives and what gets them off. Researchers found that 47 percent of women surveyed say they regularly have multiple orgasms (i.e. more than one orgasm during a single sex or solo session).


How—how?! Apparently the trick is to mix things up from one grand finale to the next. According to the survey, that's what a majority of those women said they do to achieve a second standing O.
More specifically, they use moves that are slower, less direct, and less forceful for the second round.
Here’s why that strategy works: When you orgasm, blood rushes to your lady bits, making them all kinds of sensitive. As a result, stimulating them the way you did right before you reached the finish like the first time can feel a little intense—and can even hurt.
According to OMGYes, 53 percent of women who have multiple Os pump the breaks after the first one. So instead of plowing ahead as they did before, they treat their bodies like whole new bodies, with different likes and dislikes.


Fascinating.

OUCH. The Exercise That's TERRIBLE For Your Sex Life

Spinning class could be putting unnecessary pressure on your vagina.
Spinning class may have just become a woman's worst enemy.
More specifically, the traditional bike seat we sit on as we cycle our way through such workouts may be affecting our sexual health. Previous studies have shown that those hard seats are linked to erectile dysfunction in men, but now women are at risk, too.
Here's the problem: When we sit on a bike seat, the nerves and blood vessels in our genital area get compressed.

Researchers at Yale already knew that female cyclists had less genital sensation than female runners (based on a 2006 study). They hypothesized that these bike-riding ladies, then, thanks to the aforementioned seat design, were at risk for sexual problems.
This time around, the experts at Yale studied 58 women who cycled at least 10 miles a week. The participants pedaled on "mock bikes" in the lab (with seat position and handlebars adjusted according to each woman's preferences, to mimic her everyday ride) and told researchers when they felt sore, numb or a tingle as a result of sitting on the bike seat.


Interestingly, handlebars had a lot to do with genital sensation as well. The lower the bars, the more a woman has to lean forward, ultimately increasing the pressure on her lady bits.
To alleviate the problem, researchers suggest using "no-nose" saddles or seats; although in spinning class, that may be beyond our control. Of course, the other solution is to just forgo spinning class altogether — we're sure you were looking for a valid excuse to skip, anyway (our sex life and sexual health are completely excusable reasons, FYI).
Sound off: Is this study enough to make you find a new workout?

Sexy DIY: The 3 Best Masturbation Techniques To Get Yourself OFF

Who needs a man anyway?
Masturbating should always be a fun and pleasurable experience, ending in a body-shaking, quivering goodness. That's why I want to give you these four incredible techniques on how to masturbate to bring yourself to orgasm.
Some of these techniques may be a bit on the wild side for you, but I really hope you will at least try them once. But before you try these masturbation techniques, you'll want to set the mood for sensuality by stimulating your senses.
First, you need to choose a nice scent for your room, from perfumes to deodorants or incense. The choice is ultimately up to you. You then need to set up the lighting in the room. You may prefer it to be very dark or you may like having the lights only slightly dimmed to be best.


Next, eat or drink an aphrodisiac. Nibble on dark chocolate, sip on champagne or bite into a few juicy strawberries — anything that entices your tastebuds. Turn up the music to add to the experience, whether it's jazzy tunes or a quiet instrumental soundtrack. Whatever you choose needs to relax you.
Lastly — and most importantly — you need to think about touch and what you feels good on your skin, besides your own hands. (Think: a silky smooth nightie). The final thing you need to do is think about what positions are going to work best for masturbating. Lying on your back is the obvious choice, but there are hundreds of others.
Here are three techniques to make masturbation the best thing ever.
1. The "Barely There" Technique
This is by far the simplest technique, and it's all in the flick of a finger. To get set up, you need to lie down on your back and get comfortable. You're going masturbate using only one finger. Rather than just touching and rubbing yourself, make only the slightest amount of contact with your genitals. It should be a feather-like touch, moving your finger from side to side or up and down.


The interesting thing about this technique is that it's incredibly similar to teasing yourself. You're definitely getting pleasure from it, but you'll notice that you never give yourself enough pleasure to push you over the edge. So in many ways, you should consider this masturbation technique as something similar to one person foreplay.
You can also incorporate this when you're giving your man a blow job, too. Just use a tiny amount of pressure to prolong it and make it extra satisfying.
2. The "Round and Around" Technique
The round and around technique is great for arousing yourself and ultimately making your orgasm more powerful when you eventually peak. This is sort of like foreplay for masturbation — teasing and turning yourself on.


As you can probably guess from the name, you're going to be focusing on your more sensitive areas. These are places like your breasts and inner thighs. However, because everyone's body is different, you may find that the small of your neck or the inside of your elbows are particularly sensitive to touch.
After 20 minutes of this, it's time to move your hands to your more erogenous areas. Still teasing, toughen the touch to caress your nipples and breasts. Tantalize yourself for what's about to happen next.
3. The "Put on a Show" Technique
This last masturbation technique is one for your partner's pleasure as well as your own. You probably already know that guys are primarily turned on by visual cues, so why not use this fact to your advantage and put on a show for your man?


The easiest way to do this is during foreplay. Ask him if he would like a demonstration of what you enjoy the most. He's very unlikely to say no. Now, just because you're putting on a show doesn't necessarily mean you have to be dramatic. Don't feel like you have to talk dirty or even moan and groan while masturbating in front of him.
Just focus on enjoying yourself. Trust us when we say it will be enough to drive him crazy, and it will teach him exactly what you enjoy.
.......
If you want to learn some powerful oral sex tips and techniques, then you may be interested in watching this intense tutorial video. Click here to watch it now.

What Happened When I Gave My Boyfriend A HUMMER Blowjob

If you don't know about hummer blowjobs, you are MISSING OUT.
I gave my boyfriend a hummer. I know what you might be thinking: Why would you ever buy your boyfriend such a heinous, environment-killing car? Well, my dear friends, this type of hummer is not a gas-guzzling monster truck. This type of hummer requires a little trip over to Urban Dictionary. As the cool kids on UD tell me: A hummer is when you "hum" while giving fellatio.

Basically, while your mouth is full of testicles or penis (or both if you're really talented), you spice it up a bit with your favorite tune. Whether it's a little show tune or a full-blown opera, the humming vibrations are supposed to feel incredible up the shaft and all over the balls.
The concept seems great — a simple addition to a good blowjob. The essential question is, does it work?
Not to fear readers, I have tested it for you to find out. (Note: no boyfriends were harmed in this process.)
Unfortunately, I told my boyfriend what I was going to do before actually humming, which I completely regret. It would have been way funnier if I had caught him by surprise and just started humming. It still managed to startle both of us — me for how loud it sounded, and him for how buzzy it felt.
It was actually slightly more difficult than I had imagined. I kept feeling the need to blow air out of my mouth, which clearly wasn't going to work because it was full. It just resulted in puffed up cheeks, followed by giggles from both of us. I then switched to a full throat hum but felt like I wasn't properly targeting the vibrations, so I re-tried a mouth hum and managed to find a way to hum without blowing air or being throaty.


According to my (very happy) test subject, the vibrations actually felt great. After we got over the initial giggles and my inability to hum (who knew?), he said that it added an extra dimension to the blowjob.
Keeping a humming rhythm takes some practice. Not only are you juggling your mouth, tongue and hands, but you've added in something else to think about. I found it significantly easier to stop thinking so hard about humming and just moan really loudly. This seemed to do the trick.


It was much more manageable on my end because it took less coordination, and it was much more enjoyable on his end because I sounded like I was REALLY enjoying it (which is always a good thing when going down on your partner). They were definitely emphasized moans to feel more like hums, but they worked.

Moaning down the shaft made it more fun for me, and moaning on his balls gave him a totally unique sensation. One of my go-to pleasure places is the area between his shaft and testicles, which was easy to target with humming. The perineum (between testicles and anus) was a bit more difficult to hum, but still possible.
After having tried giving a hummer a few times, I have some tips for those who would like to try:
1.Don't tell your partner. It will be a very pleasant surprise.
2.Practice on a (body-safe) dildo. You can test out your technique and make sure you know how to hum with your mouth full (unlike me).
3.Don't hum the whole time. You can go rhythmically if that helps. Give short breaks so the vibrations aren't overwhelming for either of you.

4.If you think of it as a "moan" it becomes significantly easier and sexier. You're moaning out of pleasure from giving your partner pleasure. Basically the hottest thing you can do.
5.Enjoy it. Add it when it feels right for you and he'll be moaning right along with you.
Trying new things in the bedroom is always a fun idea. Whether it results in a mind-blowing orgasm or a burst of giggles, spicing things up keeps your sex life adventurous and keeps communication open. The Hummer is a simple addition to enhance a blowjob and we recommend that you try it out.
Now, the serious question: is there a term for humming during cunnilingus? Because I know someone who needs to try that.

A Woman Had Sex While Wearing A Fitbit And Wow, Results Are INSANE

DAMN.
Masters and Johnson would have benefited by having a Redditor named noveltysin help them research sex. Noveltysin shared on the forum r/dataisbeautiful what happened when she had sex while wearing her Fitbit.
"Started after foreplay, so the preceding 20 mins are untracked," she explained when asked how she managed to reach orgasm approximately six minutes in. When challenged about whether she truly could orgasm that quickly, she responded, "Man, now I gotta defend my orgasm to a bunch of strange dudes. Wait, no I don't."
The results show what happened to her heart during the eight minutes of sex.
It's her notes on the graph that are so charming with "condom on," "I'm on top," "knees give out," "him on top," "he orgasms," "I aftershock," and finally, "take a breather."

The monitor recorded an average of 109 beats per minute (bpm) which is in the fat-burning range (for those who are interested in the added benefits of sexual activity), which peaked at 123 bpm during noveltysin's first orgasm. Noveltysin describes herself as fit with a resting heart rate of 60 bpm.
Many of the commenters fixated on the time.
ChefBreadstick wrote, "Wow. 8 minutes. That's like... 7 more minutes than me." And miserablebastardfromthenorth wrote, "8 minutes? Probably still longer than my last relationship." And fairybug, questioning noveltysin sharing in the first place, said, "I'm not sure I'd post a measly 8 minutes. That's a teensy little quickie. Won't her boyfriend be embarrassed?"


But noveltysin stayed positive and felt no need to justify her stats.
"Everyone focuses on the time," noveltysin said. "I lose track of it. Time stops, I'm happy." Plus, don't forget: she had a mini-orgasm (or aftershock, as she called it) as an extra added bonus. "Yay women parts," she cheered.
This seems like a very successful experiment and people everywhere are going to test out their own Fitbits while having sex. Well, you know... for science.

4 Steps To Having A Blissed-Out Orgasmic Birth (Yes, ACTUAL Orgasms)

Oh, mama!
When you think of childbirth, the last word that usually comes to mind is "orgasm".
But it doesn't have to be that way. We've all heard far-fetched stories about women having intense orgasms during childbirth, but we've always believed such tales were the exception to the childbirth experience, not the rule by any means.
It turns out, we might have it all wrong.
Orgasmic childbirth can transform your experience of bringing a new life into the world into a spiritual experience like no other imaginable. You can have it too, there are just a few things you need to be mindful of and you're in store for the best orgasm of your life.
1. Educate yourself
Childbirth expert Michel Odent explains that women's bodies are actually programmed to have an orgasmic response during childbirth, as hard as that may be to believe, based on everything we are taught about the pain and agony of childbirth.
During childbirth the body produces a cocktail of chemicals designed to transport the laboring woman to a blissful plane. This includes natural morphine, prolactin, and oxytocin. These are also the chemicals that are released when you orgasm during sex.
What we're calling an orgasmic birth also has another name, the fetus ejection reflex. This refers to the involuntary movements of the mother during childbirth which, in left uninterrupted, can feel more intense than any orgasm they have ever experienced.
Even if you think having an orgasmic birth sounds impossible for you, remember that it's something your body is actually designed to do and there are steps you can take to have that experience when you give birth.


2. Get some privacy
Our favorite biochemical oxytocin is sometimes called the "shy" chemical. That's because the body produces it in in greater amounts when it feels more comfortable and less inhibited. It's no wonder that orgasmic births are considered flukes instead of a part of the birth experience given the way women give birth today.
Think about it, there are countless interruptions by doctors, nurses, and friends and family members. To get your body producing as much of this helpful chemical as possible, try and get the maximum amount of privacy you can. Do what you need to do to keep your delivery room dimly lit and relaxing.
3. Consider a natural birth


When it comes to giving birth, you and your partner have the choice of picking the birth plan that works best for you. Some people opt for a natural birth, and others do not. There's no moral judgment that should be placed on a couple for the decision they make on how they want to bring their baby into the world.
If having an orgasmic birth is central to your birth plan, it is not uncommon to decide on a natural birth. That's because there is a belief that the chemicals introduced into the system during a hospital birth interferes with the naturally occurring pain killers being produced by the body. That's right, in an effort to be comfortable during birth we could be cutting ourselves off from an orgasmic birth experience.
4. Try masturbation
The chemicals produced when we masturbate (endorphins and adrenaline to name a few) can further dull pain. Plus that intense focus on your body and the added contractions that come with birth.
You don't have to masturbate to achieve an orgasmic birth, but spending that time with yourself and your body can make you feel more comfortable and lead to the head space necessary to achieve the orgasmic birth you've been trying for. 

The First Blow Job I Ever Received Was SO BAD I Faked An Orgasm

There IS such a thing as a bad blow job.
Speaking as a man, I can tell you, there are few things worse than a bad blow job. That may sound hard to believe — what’s the old saying, “Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good”? However, I’m telling you, there are few things men build up in their minds more than a blow job, so when it underwhelms, it underwhelms HARD.
And it’s even worse when that bad blow job is your first experience with oral sex EVER.
Just to prepare you, this isn’t going to be the kind of sex story that people normally share. People love to share triumphant sex stories or OMG crazy sex stories. This one… is a little pathetic. (With some craziness here and there.)


To say my first blowjob was a supreme disappointment would be the understatement of the century. I left the experience shaken, disillusioned. I felt like I should wear a black armband on that day for the next fifty years, lest we ever forget.
What’s even sadder is — the reason I was looking forward to the blow job so much was because losing my virginity hadn’t exactly been life-changing either.
I first had sex at age 17, in a cottage owned by my very first girlfriend’s parents in Wisconsin. This girlfriend was, to put it lightly, a lot to handle. She liked blaming me for a host of imagined slights and offenses, and I frequently wondered if she really even liked me (or if I really liked her).


Much to my amazement, the sex was not great.
I’d expected something transcendent. Instead, it felt… OK. It was awkward. I felt self-conscious. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted it to be over with soon. After we finished, I distinctly remember thinking, “That was it?”
So, rather than wallowing in my despair, I almost immediately transferred my impossible expectations onto the idea of the blow job. I told myself — “Sex is meh. (That’s what married couples do.) But a blow job. I bet that will be AMAZING.”
I suppose that was the only way I could deal with my post-coital disappointment. Getting a blow job became my new holy grail. But it wouldn't happen for a while.
Cut to one year later. I have a new girlfriend. She’s pretty, sweet, and I suspect she actually likes me this time. We’ve started having sex together and, while it’s not as revelatory as I once hoped, it is fun and more relaxed and more … social than it had been with my first. We smiled and laughed when we had sex, which was a nice change.


One day, while making out at her father's apartment, the new, better girlfriend slides down my body, stopping by my belt and asks, “Do you want me to?”
I spent a solid 15 seconds completely dumbfounded by the question and then it hit me. “Um … yes! Yes! Please! I mean, yes, if you want to, I guess … but … yes.”
This was it.
This was the moment when I was finally going to realize why all of the best songs, books, and movies were all about sex. Yes, the act of sex itself had been surprisingly bland, barely feeling better than masturbating. But THIS… this was a BLOW JOB.
This was going to change my life. This was going to be like being a porn star or being like Brad Pitt in that hotel room with Geena Davis in Thelma & Louise (it was the 90s). This was going to be EPIC.


She unbuttons my pants, I close my eyes in anticipation, and…
After 15 seconds, I open my eyes. I need independent confirmation about what’s happening.
Yes, my penis is in her mouth, so I can check that off any of those email purity lists in the future. I now technically have had oral sex. (Yay for me.) But … nothing is happening. It’s just … sitting there.
She looks up at me, smiling. I smile back. “What the hell do I do?” I think. She’s giving me looks like “Oh yeah, you like that,” so she obviously thinks that she’s doing SOMETHING. But, on my end, I can’t detect anything at all.


It’s like she’s just sitting there, holding a hot dog in her mouth without biting on it. (Not that I wanted her to bite it.) I closed my eyes, trying to detect some sign of motion or technique. Her head is immobile. I can’t feel her tongue at all. And, if I’m being honest, I think I can periodically feel little gusts of air.
“Is she actually blowing on my penis?” I think. “Is that what she thinks a blowjob is?!”
But I don’t say anything because … HOW DO YOU SAY ANYTHING? When someone has your penis in their mouth, the only socially acceptable reaction would seem to be gratitude. And what am I going to do? Give her notes? We both know this is my first blow job, so I literally have nothing to compare it against.
That was my darkest moment. Realizing that nothing was going to save me from the profound disappointments of my first sexual experiences. Sex had been so mythologized in my youth that I’d expected something eye-opening, something akin to a religious experience the first time a girl touched my penis.
And, when sex hadn’t fulfilled that role, I’d piled all of that spiritual baggage onto the idea of the blow job, imagining that it somehow would fill the hole that sex had left behind.
But it hadn’t. They were impossibly high expectations, and sex, for me at least, never felt like a live-wire shock of pure gratification. In the future, after more relationships and a marriage, I’d learn that sex was harder than I expected, that it took more work, but it could also feel pretty wonderful and passionate and intense… with the right person.


Unfortunately, that hard-won knowledge wasn’t much help to me at the age of 18 while getting the worst blow job ever.
After a few minutes of awkward, sensation-less penis sheathing, I made a decision. I had to end this. But I didn’t want to hurt my girlfriend’s feelings.
So I made a difficult, cowardly choice — I decided to fake an orgasm.
It’s a strange thing, being a teenager in your sexual prime and having to fake an orgasm, but I needed an exit strategy, because, given the condition of this blow job, there was no way a legitimate one was in my immediate future.
I changed my breathing. I made it shallow, rushed. I bucked my hips a bit (but not enough to make it seem like I was trying to drive the blow job). And then, finally, I jerked hard, making an “Ohhhhh” noise that I PRAYED sounded authentic.


A moment later, my girlfriend was back up top, resting her head on my shoulder. “Did you like that?” she asked playfully. I fake smiled. “Oh my god, that was amazing,” I lied. I scrutinized her face while I said it, wondering if she was preparing to confront me on my fake orgasm.
“You came a lot,” she said, which BLEW MY MIND. Because, no, I didn’t. I didn’t even come close.


I sat there, in the depths of teenaged sexual disappointment and frustration, and wondered, “Holy crap, did I just fake an orgasm so well that I somehow actually fake ejaculated?!”
To this day, it’s a mystery to me.
A few months later, we broke up before we both went off to college, which was for the best. But, like it or not, my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad blow job had taught me an important lesson.
It taught me that sex wasn’t some magical, addictive revelation that could transform your life like discovering heroin or Jesus. It was a flawed, physical act that had equal potential to be good or bad, because it was entirely driven by humans, who hold that same potential.


Yes, as a teenager, my bad blow job had been the most disappointing moment of my life so far, but, thankfully, it lowered my bar and tempered my expectations to the point where, eventually, sex became something I actually enjoyed rather than something I expected would change my life.
But still… people… she was actually blowing. Who does that?

You Are DEFINITELY Not Trying These 14 Sex Positions Enough

Try these, like... TONIGHT.

Sure, missionary sex is great. We all love it. But there's more out there.
If you are wondering if there are sex positions you should be trying, the short answer is a resounding yes. These sex positions are a little less mainstream, but absolutely result in fun to be had.
1. Missionary Done Right
According to many sex experts, women get the most pleasure out of basic missionary sex. There's nothing fancy about it, but many women said they love the closeness and the intimacy of having their partner's weight on them, the ability to kiss, talk, nibble, plus a lot of clit stimulation.

"In order for missionary position to be most effective, guys, make sure you're entering her at the correct angle. This is an important position to master; by going in diagonally — rather than straight in and out — there's more friction for clitorial stimulation, which is best, since that's how most women achieve orgasm," says Coleen Singer from Sssh.com.
2. Cowgirl
Just as the name implies, "ride 'em, cowgirl!" In this position, the woman straddles the man from above, and very much is in control of the action and pace of sex.
"Its other benefit is that the man is in a position to allow his hands to explore her body, stimulate her clit and breasts, and pull her forward onto him for a passionate kiss. Cowgirl is important to include in your lovemaking because it inherently flips the 'power balance' over to your lover and gives her the dominant role," says Singer.

3. The Crisscross
This is another great position for clitoral stimulation. Both partners are lying down.
"The woman is on her back and the guy is on his side. She has her legs draped over his middle like a giant X. Since your bodies aren't pressed up against each other, either the man or the woman can reach down to rub her clitoris. This position also lends itself to using vibrating sex toys on her.  The crisscross is a very useful and valuable position, as it allows you to give her total clitoral stimulation and great orgasms," says Singer.

4. Ankles Up



When you're on top of somebody or flat, you can't always achieve full penetration, which is why adjusting her leg positioning allows for deeper contact.
"Guys, put her ankles up over your shoulders. It allows you to go as deep inside of her as possible and hit her G-spot. The other important aspect of this is that, as a variation on missionary, it keeps eye contact at the maximum," says Singer.

5. Cross-Legged
You don't need to be flexible enough to sit completely cross-legged like a pretzel; you just need to be able to get into a seated position with your erection facing up.
"From here, she'll sit in your lap, facing you and wrapping her legs around your hips/waist. You'll achieve maximum penetration and she can be fully in control, either riding you or rocking her hips while she holds onto your shoulders for support. Cross-legged is also an important position as it evens the playing field as far as control of the action," says Singer.

6. Standing Wall
"I like to use 'over the door' wrist restraints and blindfold my partner, teasing her with breath, commands, and some gentle slapping and nibbling, suggestive finger and p*ssy-licking. I like to run a really soft fabric up her thighs and hips, and over her tits and shoulders, and then slide up to her neck, hold it tight, and kiss her as my fingers caress her p*ssy. I'll play with her like that until her legs start to wobble, then I just lift her up and f*ck her against the door, telling her to kiss me but staying just out of her reach," says Magnus Sullivan of ManShop.com.
7. The Three-Legged Standing Position

While standing up facing him, hook one leg over your partner's hip as he penetrates you.
"This position requires some balancing skills, so stay close to a wall, dresser or the kitchen counter the first few times as you get the hang of this one," says Singer.
8. The Butterfly

Laying on the edge of the bed, move your legs up his chest, placing your ankles on his shoulders.
"Arch your back while he lifts your bottom off the bed, and then you can lay back and enjoy the sensation and the visual of him standing over you. The butterfly also allows for very deep penetration, with your partner having a great deal of control over the angle of insertion and intensity of thrusts," says Singer.
9. The Lotus

As he sits on the bed or floor cross-legged, climb on top and lower down onto his penis, gently wrapping your arms and legs around him.
"It's also a fabulous position for clit stimulation as the shaft of his penis is in the perfect angle to rub on your love button. The additional bonus of The Lotus is it allows your partner to take aim at your G-spot with the head of his penis," says Singer.
10. Reverse Cowgirl

"You see a lot of it in porn, but for some reason, it's too much for a lot of couples to stop what they're doing, when they're in the swing of things, and face away from each other. It's incredible how easy it is to shift so that he hits your G-spot just right, and it's easy spanking, if you're into that. I'm amazed at how infrequently couples break out this simple move," says Tina, a woman who wishes to remain anonymous.
11. The Flatiron

The woman lies down on her stomach with her legs straight and her hips raised slightly.
"The man takes her from behind, which allows him deep access. With subtle adjustments of her hips, she should be able to find that sweet spot where he's hitting not just the G-spot, but her A-spot as well. Bonus: either of them can reach around to give her clitoris some love, and guys tend to last longer in this position," says Antonia Hall, a psychologist, relationship expert and sexpert.
12. The High Rise

In this deep thrusting position, the woman is on her back with legs raised and the man is kneeling before her.
"A pillow can be placed under her bottom to elevate her hips, and she can alternate between resting her feet on his shoulders and supporting her hips when she takes them wide. He can easily alternate his thrusts in this position, allowing him to tease and stimulate both her G- and A-spots, and offers perfect clitoral access for even greater pleasure. It also allows the couple to look into each other's eyes and admire each other's bodies," says Hall.
13. The Yab Yum

This classic Tantric position can be easily adapted, so don't write this one off if you're not currently in perfect yogi shape.
"The man can sit either crossed-legged or with his legs outstretched, or he can sit at the end of the bed or on a couch. The woman sits on his lap, facing him. This is a wonderfully intimate position, in which a couple can look into each other's eyes, kiss deeply, synchronize their breathing and connect deeply. It also offers her great G-spot stimulation and the opportunity to set the pace," says Hall.
14. The Wheelbarrow
All photos: weheartit

We don't all have the upper arm strength to pull off the classic wheelbarrow, but there are variations that will offer you just as much pleasure.
"Whether she's standing stretched out in downward dog, or resting on her elbows with her hips and chest supported by pillows, the elevation of her hips as he takes her from behind offers the perfect G-spot stimulation and also access to clit play," says Hall.

The Profound Power & Pleasure of Female Orgasm

Orgasm is a holistic experience involving a woman’s mind, body and emotions - what men need to know.
Fueled by pure primal instinct, our sex drive is a compelling physiological desire for copulation. Unlike most female mammals, women can enjoy immense pleasure from sexual activity. Of course a partner is not necessarily needed to achieve sexual satisfaction and orgasm, however it is always more fun to share erotic experiences with someone you care deeply for. Whether you enjoy solo play in stimulating yourself, or you have assistance from an adoring lover, orgasm can be profoundly powerful and extremely gratifying to a woman.
Female orgasm is a completely natural function and an inherent desire – nothing to be ashamed of or even shy about. Women should talk more about it and teach healthy sexuality to naive friends and pubescent girls, so they can freely explore their developing bodies without guilt or embarrassment. Men should also be more educated about female orgasm so they can share and help facilitate this truly incredible experience with their willing partner. As all bodies and personal preferences are unique, it is important for a woman to show her lover what feels good to her, and how best to produce unbelievably pleasurable orgasms.


What most men don’t realize is that female orgasm is a holistic experience involving a woman’s mind, body and emotions. It works best when she feels loved, supported and respected – most of all, completely relaxed. For men, orgasm and ejaculation last only a few seconds. A single climax is usually enough to satisfy them for a time. Conversely, women are able to enjoy multiple orgasms. Quite often, after having one or two, they tend to want more – again and again, as each one can feel more gratifying. When properly stimulated, it can be a wonderful feeling of rolling waves perpetuating in pure ecstasy, as the intensity continues to build with each blissful climax. A woman can generate unlimited orgasms for as long as she can stand it. It has been recorded that one lucky woman experienced 134 orgasms in one hour!
An average man may not last for over an hour of selfless foreplay; however he should dedicate plenty of time to “get his lover off” until she is good and primed for penetration. It certainly benefits them both, as she is much more lubricated and receptive after being endearingly attended to. Also, her vagina is more “tight”, as the entire genital area (inside and out) is completely engorged with blood and feels extremely sensitive. And after experiencing numerous orgasms during foreplay, she is more likely to have a vaginal orgasm during intercourse – one of the most pleasurable sensations for both partners. When she enjoys sex and begs for more, then he feels more fulfilled, secure and masculine – a win-win for both!
Orgasm is a holistic experience involving a woman’s mind, body and emotions - what men need to know.
The Marvelous Moment of Orgasm
How do you even begin to explain what it feels like? - as the experience of orgasm is beyond conscious comprehension to define in mere words. Even before any physical contact, sometimes you can feel a little “buzz” or tingle in the clitoral area. When a woman becomes aroused, even in her mind, blood starts to flow to the genital area similar to when a man gets an erection. The lightest touch of finger, vibrator or tongue can send her through the roof with overwhelming sensual pleasure. Once stimulated by vibration, friction and/or pressure, depending on what her preference may be, the clitoris pulsates with anticipation and becomes ultra sensitive.
With continued rhythmic manipulation she will show signs of increased exhilaration and lubrication. The sensation intensifies as her heart beats faster and her breathing quickens to shallow gasps for air and audible exhales. She may express uncontrollable excitement as her toes curl, legs quiver and body writhes with exultation. Her hands may grip the sheets or her lover’s arm. Often she will scream or moan in a euphoric state of animation. Consistency is crucial here, as steady focus to maintain the pace and pressure will progress into a sexual summit in a paroxysm of blissful indulgence. It may take anywhere from 20 seconds to several minutes to reach the pinnacle of passionate pleasure.


Vaginal muscle contractions become stronger and faster, as intense energy rushes through her entire body. The mind goes blank – completely thought-less as her entire universe revolves around the awe-inspiring clitoris in this moment of overwhelming ecstasy. To harness the power surging through this spectacular network of over 8,000 nerve fibers concentrated into a little bead of flesh, could possibly power the entire planet! Her “lady flower blossoms”, swelling and throbbing with incredible energetic force, culminating in a crescendo of momentary rapture – an overpowering thrill that is truly nature’s gift to women! There is no way to fake or mistake a truly mind-blowing orgasm.
The emotions, too, generally go into a seismic convulsion as her reality is temporarily obscured following this momentous phenomenon. She may feel overcome with tremendous gratitude, extraordinary wellbeing and lethargic relaxation. She may even experience a burst of creative thought, as orgasm produces an impassioned lightning storm in the right, creative-thinking side of the brain. It is important for her partner to allow a few moments for her to catch her breath and come down from this fantastic natural high before starting in again, or inserting his penis. She can tell him what she wants in that moment.
On Another Note…
For women who may have a more difficult time reaching orgasm, there are a few things you can try to improve your sexual experience and pleasure. A stimulating gel can be a wonderful aid, and feels amazing even if you do not have any problem achieving the “Big O”. The best one I have found is [G], as it is all natural and the most effective for increasing blood flow to the clitoris and to heighten sensitivity.

[G] Stimulating Gel contains:
Carrageenan – a moisture-rich marine algae extract with amazing health benefits
Menthol & Primrose Oil – provides tingling, stimulating sensations
Niacin & Arginine – to increase blood flow to the clitoris for increased sensitivity
Propanediol – a pure and natural humectant to help retain moisture
Citric Acid – for pH balance and natural preservation
*[G] does NOT contain silicone, petroleum-based glycol, parabens, glycerin or other harsh chemicals. It is very important to read the labels of all products you consume, or put on your most sensitive areas.
You can purchase [G] Stimulating Gel at OceanusNaturals.com or at numerous retail locations such as GNC or The Vitamin Shoppe, as well as many other retail outlets and adult boutiques.