Allergic to semen?

Dear Sex Flush,
Sounds like this petting may be getting you all hot and bothered and not necessarily in a pleasant way! You could be right — you may have an allergy to the proteins in your boyfriend's semen, also known as human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity (SPH). Depending on the location of the itching, it's also possible that you may be experiencing symptoms of an infection. Given that there are multiple potential explanations, meeting with a health care provider may help you understand the cause of your irritation.

As for the reason for the redness, it's possible to have an allergic reaction to common proteins found in most people's semen or to have allergies to a specific person's proteins. Reactions to contact with semen may include localized pain, itching, redness and swelling, or systemic responses, such as hives or trouble breathing. Most symptoms typically start within 20 to 30 minutes of contact but may vary per person (sometimes taking as long as a couple of hours) and may last for hours or days. The severity of the reaction depends on your personal body chemistry. Additionally, if it's a semen allergy, people can generally have sex with their partner without symptoms when using a condom.
If you're experiencing redness or itching around the vagina, other potential explanations may include vaginitis, a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, or a sexually transmitted infection (STI), such as chlamydia. You may find it helpful to check in with a health care provider if you believe it may be related to an infection. On the other hand, a semen allergy can be officially determined through skin tests administered by a medical professional. If you do have a semen allergy, treatment options may include using a condom or desensitization. A condom can keep come from contacting your skin during vaginal sex or hand jobs. If the redness from petting isn't causing too much discomfort or irritation, you could just try to minimize your contact with the semen — catching it in a small towel might keep most of it off your skin. Also, there are a couple possible methods that can be used to desensitize a person to semen which can reduce the allergic reaction, or alternatively, an over-the-counter antihistamine may be recommended.
You note that you aren't worried about this right now. However, if you develop more serious reactions or suspect you might have an STI, you may want to seek out some further guidance from a medical professional. Until then, hopefully you can reassure your boyfriend that the redness isn't personal, and more often that not, you're flushing with delight in his presence.

What's rimming?

Dear Reader,
Rimming, also called anilingus or a rim job, refers to making oral-anal sexual contact. While sometimes a precursor to anal sex, rimming is a form of stimulation that may be its own means to an erotic end. Getting down anilingus-style involves penetrating with the tongue, licking, sucking, kissing, or otherwise orally stimulating a partner's anus. Folks of all genders and orientations may find rimming enjoyable due to the high concentration of nerve endings at the anal opening and the many sensations that the mouth, lips, and tongue are capable of producing through oral stimulation. Trust and communication, as with all sexual explorations between consensual partners, are key components to mutually enjoyable rimming.
Sometimes, rimming is seen as taboo, likely due to its perceived association with anal sex and queer men’s sexual practices. There are myths to bust here, as men who have sex with men have reported engaging in a wide range of sexual activities, which may include anal play for some and not others. Regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, partners seem to find pleasure in anal sex and rimming. In fact, heterosexual anal play has been documented for hundreds of years and has been on the rise in recent years.
Like many sex acts, there are some risks that come along with rimming. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are often a concern with unprotected sex play, and rimming is no exception. Hepatitis A or B, gonorrhea, syphilis, and genital warts are all STIs potentially contracted through rimming. That being said, no known documented cases of HIV transmission have ever been connected to rimming. In addition, because the interior of the anus hosts intestinal bacteria, oral-anal contact carries risk for giardia and other intestinal maladies.

In terms of protection, dental dams offer great protection against sexually transmitted infections, and lube may be applied to the side that makes contact with the anus to increase pleasure. Fun fact: condoms can be cut carefully down the middle to become an impromptu dental dam. Another aspect of rimming responsibly is understanding that the vagina and anus operate under very different hygienic house rules. Taking measures to prevent bacteria in the anus from making their way into the vagina, whether via fingers, tongue, penis, or sex toys can help reduce the risk of transmission. Washing up before and after rimming will help prevent unwanted transmission of bacteria and to avoid vaginal infections.
If you’re looking to explore rimming, it's wise to play it safe when it comes to protection and enjoy the cheeky new addition to your sexual repertoire.

This website does not condone any form of Female Genital Mutilation—specifically

Clitoral Unhooding, also referred to as Hoodectomy, is aminor feminine genital surgical procedure to remove excess Prepuce tissue—thesurrounding “hood” that sheaths the clitoral node on threesides. Normally, the Prepuce is anatomically designed to offer the clitorisa degree of protection against undue abrasion—or over stimulation—andnaturally retracts during sexual intercourse, thereby leaving the highlyinnervated surface of the clitoral node—what is commonly referredto as the exterior G-spot—or Glans, to be more exposed . . . resultingin female sexual orgasms. Sometimes however, women with small clitoralnodes or those that have excess Prepuce tissue—both common conditions—findthat they can’t achieve orgasm, or have a harder time reaching climax,because the clitoris is literally covered, or restricted by too much skintissue, thus greatly lessening tactile sensation, and/or even eliminatingit entirely.
In another closely related condition—and as was reportedby researchers at the Boston University School of Medicine—roughly25% of all women treated for sexual dysfunction suffered from what wasmedically termed ClitoralPhimosis, a condition whereby the Prepuce tissue is so closely alignedwith the clitoral node, there is not enough tissue flexibility to allowthe clitoris to naturally move beyond the surrounding skin and protrude,permitting needed stimulation to achieve climax. This condition, alsoaddressed through Hoodectomy, involves the surgical retraction and/orexcising of tissue surrounding the Clitoris.
Sometimes referred to as female clitoral circumcision, the Clitoral Unhooding procedure issomewhat analogous to penile circumcision in men, although male penilecircumcision is still primarily performed from a perspective of genitalhygiene. In women, however, Hoodectomy is done more commonly to allowwomen to experience heightened arousal, by reducing the tissue that formsthe hood (Prepuce) covering the clitoris . . . almost always resultingin greater, faster orgasms. To some extent it has been suspected thatexcessive Prepuce tissue can also result in some hygiene-related issuesas well for women, giving sanctuary to increased bacterial counts, andsometimes resulting in what are commonly termed “yeast” orvaginal infections from the close proximity to the vaginal canal.

Also, it is important to note that Clitoral Unhooding (Hoodectomy)is sometimes mistakenly referred to as Clitoridectomy—another surgicalprocedure to completely remove the clitoral node—a repulsive societal/culturalprocedure and insalubrious form of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). CLITORALUNHOODING IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THIS COMMONLY MISTAKEN PROCEDUREAND IS NOT A FORM OF FGM.
Because of the innervation of the clitoris, (neuron celldensity), there are gynecologists that aren't comfortable performing theClitoral Unhooding procedure. Many times this is due to a lack of surgicalexperience. Some also object to it on societal grounds—in a parallelimplication that a woman’s sexual enjoyment, in or out of a relationship,is somehow considered taboo. But, there are a growing number of well-respectedcosmetic gynecological surgeons and plastic surgeons with urology trainingthat understand the need, and will perform this delicate operation withthe proper training and experience needed to do an outstanding job. Manyof these excellent surgeons are listed on this web site. Most important,when it comes to selecting a surgeon to do your Hoodectomy, experienceis the key.
The reason? The clitoral node has many more nerve endingsthan the surrounding tissue areas—thus if not done correctly, ClitoralUnhooding can result in heightened sensation of the node by normal movements,in some cases creating considerable discomfort. However, for surgeonswho perform the procedure regularly, Clitoral Unhooding can result inan increased stimulus of the clitoral node and the majority of patientswho have reported on their Clitoral Unhooding procedure, most have commentedfavorably, saying they’ve had increased sexual climaxes (orgasms).Surgeons who do Hoodectomy usually have a method of determining the extentof sensitivity of the clitoris before proceeding by testing the area withcold and warm swabs. Patients SHOULD ONLY have this procedure performedby a surgeon who has extensive experience in this area and has performedmany Clitoral Unhoodings.
Dr. Michael Goodman, Davis, California (530) 753-2787. Dr. Goodman has practiced Gynecology,Pelvic Support and Vagino-Vulvar Aesthetic Surgery, Perimenopausal Medicine,Health Enhancement, Sexology and Bone Densiometry in Northern CA since1972; he has been in Davis, CA, since 2000. He is an experienced pelvicand labial surgeon and is Board Certified in Gynecology, an elected memberof the Society of Reproductive Surgeons and is accredited as an AdvancedLaparoscopic Surgeon by the Accreditation Council on Gynecologic Endoscopy.He is a trained and Accredited Clinical Bone Densiometrist and is theonly Certified Menopausal Practitioner and Clinician in his area of NorthernCalifornia.
Dr. Uma Penmetsa, Rochester, New York (585) 473-2846. Dr. Penmetsa is proud to offer women a broad choice of options for many gynecological problems that in the past would have required a major hospitalization. We believe that a positive self image is essential for a women's overall well being. In addition to encouraging a healthy eating habits and regular exercise we offer many services to contribute to a women's self esteem such as massage and incontinence diagnosis and treatment among others.
This site will explain how female genital surgery and Hoodectomycan enhance a woman’s sexual gratification and boost their self-esteem.It will also examine the most common social implications of female genitalsurgery and review these issues in a contemporary, open environment.
In the inner pages, you’ll see a detailed descriptionof the Clitoral Unhooding procedure, recovery time, who is the best candidate,and what risks are involved. Find out about the costs,what is included in the procedure, financing options, and how to facilitatetravel arrangements. You’ll also be able to review our before& after photo galleries and read patient testimonials and detailed Case Studies on post operativepatients who’ve had the procedure performed. You will also finda list of the most important questions to ask any potential surgeon, sothat you may determine if you are a case most suited to a surgical cure. . . regularly, or one that he performs only once or twice a month. Youcan also find out about clinical studies on patient satisfaction, afterhaving a feminine genital refinement surgery performed.

Before you bone in person? Take the pressure off.

No doubt, weeks of virtual f*cking and fantasizing about the in-person sex, can make the IRL sexperience nerve-wracking! "Don't be shy about letting your partner know that you're nervous," says Engle. You might say (or text): 'I can't wait to finally feel you against me, but wow, I'm so nervous!' Or, 'I'm nervous I'm not going to live up to my sexts in person, so if you could be extra verbal that would be really helpful for me.'

And please don't get shit-faced ahead of time, she says. "Getting drunk or high before hopping in bed is just going to exacerbate your nerves and inhibit your sexual responses."


Take comfort in the fact that good sex is all about good communication, according to Wright. Chances are, all the digital getting down you've been doing has likely made you and your partner better at communicating. (After all, according to sexperts, the number one tip for having an orgasm is communicating.)

Orgasmic dysfunction: Everything you need to know

Orgasmic dysfunction is when a person has trouble reaching an orgasm despite sexual arousal and stimulation.
In this article, learn about the causes and symptoms of orgasmic dysfunction and how to treat it.


What is orgasmic dysfunction?
Orgasmic dysfunction is the medical term for difficulty reaching an orgasm despite sexual arousal and stimulation.
Orgasms are the intensely pleasurable feelings of release and involuntary pelvic floor contractions that occur at the height of sexual arousal. Orgasmic dysfunction is also known as anorgasmia.
There are several different types of orgasmic dysfunction, including:
•Primary orgasmic dysfunction, when a person has never had an orgasm.
•Secondary orgasmic dysfunction, when a person has had an orgasm but then has difficulty experiencing one.
•General orgasmic dysfunction, when a person cannot reach orgasm in any situation despite adequate arousal and stimulation.
•Situational orgasmic dysfunction, when a person cannot orgasm in certain situations or with certain kinds of stimulation. This type of orgasmic dysfunction is the most common.
Orgasmic dysfunction can affect both males and females but is more common in females. Researchers estimate that female orgasmic disorder, which is recurrent orgasmic dysfunction, may affect between 11 to 41 percent of women.
The North American Menopause Society report that 5 percent of all women have difficulty achieving orgasm.
Research from 2018 found that 18.4 percent of women could reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. However, the same study indicated another 36.6 percent of women needed clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm during intercourse.
In men, experts often categorize orgasmic dysfunction and delayed ejaculation together.
Available studies suggest that delayed ejaculation is very uncommon in men, with one 2010 overview noting that it was rarely prevalent in more than 3 percent of men, although other estimates have the figure between 5 and 10 percent.
Orgasmic dysfunction can affect the quality of people’s relationships, as well as a person’s self-esteem and mental health.



Symptoms

Orgasmic dysfunction is when someone has difficulty or the inability to reach an orgasm. For some people, reaching a climax can take longer than normal or be unsatisfying.
The way an orgasm feels or how long it takes to have an orgasm can vary widely. When someone has orgasmic dysfunction, climax can take a long time to reach, be unsatisfying, or be unattainable.

Scientists are not sure what causes orgasmic dysfunction, but believe the following factors may contribute to the problem:
•relationship issues
•certain medical conditions, such as diabetes
•a history of gynecological surgeries
•some medications, including antidepressants
•a history of sexual abuse
•religious and cultural beliefs about sex and sexuality
•depression
•anxiety
•stress
•low self-esteem
Also, women over 45 years of age are more likely to have trouble orgasming than women under this age. This may be due to menopause-related hormonal shifts and vaginal changes.
Men are more likely to have trouble orgasming following a radical prostatectomy. They are also more likely to experience delayed ejaculation as they get older, as the ejaculatory function tends to reduce with age.
Once someone experiences difficulty reaching an orgasm, they may experience increased stress in sexual situations. Stress and anxiety during sex can make it even more difficult to reach an orgasm.




Diagnosis

Before diagnosing orgasmic dysfunction, a doctor will likely ask about a person’s symptoms and how long they have existed.
The doctor will also note any factors that could contribute to orgasmic dysfunction, such as underlying health conditions or the medications a person is taking.
A doctor may do a physical examination as well. In some cases, they may refer a person to a sexual medicine specialist or a gynecologist.

10 Beautiful But Not So Famous Hollywood

 
In the Hollywood, it is not just beauty which makes people famous. It’s their acting and pretty much their luck also. There are some celebs who are very famous for no reason but then there are also a few who deserve to be famous but are not. Some just get known for a movie or two, because they are beautiful or act well. People know their faces, but not their names! Though there are thousands of such names but here are 10 of Hollywood actresses who are very beautiful but not famous yet. These are ten Beautiful but not so famous Hollywood actresses.

You might know this actress from the movie ‘In Time’ also starring Justin Timberlake, who everyone surely knows. She is a 28 year old Mexican actress and a fashion model. She also was the seventh runner up of the seventh season of Univision’s Nuestra Belleza Latina. This perfectly beautiful actress couldn’t do quite well at the Hollywood, perhaps she could just stick to modelling at which she is good.

Elisabeth Hower is best known for her roles in Escape room (2010) and her brief role in the TV Series ‘Suits’. She is a charming actress with perfect looks but could not land on roles which could actually make her famous. She is also a writer.

Diora Lynn Baird is better known by the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Wedding Crashers. She is a 36 year old American actress and a former model. She once tweeted that ‘You almost saw me as the Green Girl in Star Trek’… Unfortunately for this actress, it is also mostly about ‘almost’ or ‘maybe’!

Taylor Cole is an American Actress and a former fashion model. She was born and raised in Texas and had a promising high school experience where she proved to be a gifted athlete. She landed on her first role in 2004 in the show, Summerland. After that she has appeared in several roles such as in the TV series CSI Miami and other short-lived TV Shows. She also had guest appearances and has appeared in a couple of music videos as well.

Most people say that she has a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie, I guess that’s true to some extent. When I saw her playing a minor role in the Guardians of the Galaxy, I actually thought it was Angelina Jolie, but it was not! She is beautiful in her own way though. She is also married to a heartthrob Sam Claflin, who has emerged as a superstar in very less time so who needs fame anyway!

Ali Cobrin is an American actress who is best known for her roles in the Tv Series ‘Look’ and a movies like American Reunion and Neighbours. This 30 year old actress is innocent and charming at the same time.

That's what she did...

Source:
Last month, Professor John Michael Bailey, who taught a popular human sexuality course at the school, permitted a guest speaker to get naked and use a sex toy to achieve orgasm in front of about 100 students during an optional after-class demonstration.
The woman, who was more than willing to perform for the audience, was aided by her fiancé, who used a (terrifying) sex toy called a "fucksaw" on her.

Bailey and his guests have defended themselves saying that the class was warned several times about what was going to ensue-- and that peeping the show was purely optional. However, the rest of the world is incensed. Intense media attention on this controversy has helped facilitate a widespread backlash against the the professor's conduct as well as the university.

So much so that Bailey, also a psychologist, issued an apology, sort of, about what happened:
Source:

Those who believe that there was, in fact, a serious problem have had considerable opportunity to explain why: in the numerous media stories on the controversy, or in their various correspondences with me. But they have failed to do so. Saying that the demonstration "crossed the line," "went too far," "was inappropriate," or "was troubling" convey disapproval but do not illuminate reasoning. If I were grading the arguments I have seen against what occurred, most would earn an "F." Offense and anger are not arguments. But I remain open to hearing and reading good arguments.

Clearly, Bailey doesn't sound too thrilled to admit to any wrong doing, which is why his apology reads more like forced lip service in a vain attempt to appease an angry mob with torches and pitchforks (but apparently, no dildos) than a tearful repentance of his transgressions.
You know what? I don't blame him.


Bailey may be unconventional, but he is absolutely right.
If it looks like a duck... and quacks like a duck
All of these students are at least 18 years old. In this country, 18 means adulthood and all of its perks. If we can vote, suffer the agony of jury duty and be privy to girl-on-girl-on-cup porn, we should also be treated and trusted as adults, meaning we don't need our parents and older concerned adults still making decisions for us, especially when it's about our education.

In a recent blog post on CafeMom, Kim Conte writes that she was "creeped out" by the incident, but fully admits: "They're adults. New experiences are a big part of what sex is all about." Conte has her opinion, but she recognizes that her personal preference is nobody's but her own. Unfortunately, if you're an adult-- it doesn't matter how stupid or immature you are-- you still get the benefits of being one. And in America, it means that you have the power of consent (which these kinds exercised).
Sex trumps all news

In his half-assed apology, Bailey continues:

"During a time of financial crisis, war, and global warming, this story has been a top news story for more than two days. That this is so reveals a stark difference of opinion between people like me, who see absolutely no harm in what happened, and those who believe that it was profoundly wrong."
Source:
Something tells me, in the big scheme of things, these latter two events might make more of a global impact that one little orgasm ever will. Don't you think? Yet, according to Google, more than 1200 articles were written about this story in less than a week.
The American media have always been sex-obsessed. We salivate with morbid delight when we read headlines with words, such as: "rape, lewd sex act, Paris Hilton," regardless of the story's content. Why should it be any different this time?

No harm, no foul
What exactly did Bailey do that was so harmful?
Was it that the professor corrupted the chastity of his students' virginal minds?
Is the class scarred for life now that they've seen a woman come to orgasm (which frankly, I think is a welcome lesson for many)?
Are men angry because they now know that women, too, can climax?
Source:
What happened was "uncomfortable" and "inappropriate." Yes, Okay. So what? We experience uncomfortable and inappropriate things all the time. Tampons and farting in public would both fit in this category, but no one is doing anything about them.
Not everything is by the book
Shall we go through a list of history's great unorthodox lesson plans?

Remember professor and psychologist-Philip Zimbardo, of the famed Stanford Prison Experiment? In 1971, 24 student volunteers were divided into prisoners and guards in a mock prison to help students understand the psychology of incarcerated life. After only six days, the students turned all "Lord of the Flies"on each other, and the experiment was shut down. In this scenario, however, students were actually harmed.

Zimbardo was embroiled in controversy, obviously. But today, his social science project is regarded as one of the most widely referenced and studied experiments in psychology.
A few decades later, college English teacher Richard Wimmer seemed to have seized the daily lesson plans of eccentric teacher, John Keating from "Dead Poets Society."

Wimmer's unconventional educational approach consisted of asking students to write essays describing very personal subject matter, such as taking showers or having the dreaded "birds and bees talk" with their parents.
Source:
And, in 2010, President Obama awarded South Florida science teacher Allan Phipps for his uconventional lesson plans. His environmental science projects range from conducting cake excavations to auditing students' home energy bills and building solar powered vehicles for racing competitions.
The point here is that there are different methods of teaching. Just because something makes us "uncomfortable," it doesn't mean we can't learn from it.

If we had continued to learn everything the same exact way, we wouldn't have blogs, the Internet, or even America, for that matter.
Follow me on Twitter: ThisJenKim

Stop Spectatoring: Mindfulness to Enhance Sexual Pleasure

What is spectator sex? It isn’t watching erotic or pornographic images of other people having sex. According to sex research giants Masters and Johnson who coined the term “spectatoring,” it is watching yourself have sex, accompanied by an anxious, internal, self-conscious dialogue. The internal chatter can include worries about one’s body (“I wonder if he thinks I look fat”) or about one’s sexual performance (“He must be bored, I’m taking too long to come”; “Does he like the way I am touching him?”). During spectator sex, a person is intently monitoring their partner and themselves.

Not surprisingly, research shows that women who engage in spectator sex are less satisfied. They have fewer real orgasms and more fake orgasms than women who have less internal chatter. This isn’t surprising, given that it’s hard to be orgasmic while holding your stomach in and worrying about what your partner thinks about your body. Thinking you “should” have an orgasm (see my prior post on this topic) can lead you to pretend to have an orgasm—something that more than half of women do, as explained in another prior post.

So, what’s the solution? The answer lies in the definition of spectatoring given by the researchers who found what women already know from experience and that is, that watching yourself anxiously during sex is not very erotic. These researchers said that spectatoring is “an intense self-focus during sexual interactions—rather than an immersion in the sensory aspects of a sexual experience.” The “rather than” holds the key: A complete immersion in feelings and sensations is the solution for ending spectator sex.

Giving one’s complete attention to what is happening in the moment is called “mindfulness.” Mindfulness has garnered attention among psychologists in recent years, although it has been part of Buddhist teachings for centuries. Recently, psychologists have found that mindfulness decreases anxiety and depression minimizes, the experience of pain, and even enhances academic performance. Researcher Lori Brotto reports that teaching women mindfulness increases their sexual arousal and sexual desire.

In A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex (also proven effective in research for enhancing desire, arousal, and satisfaction), I recommend mindfulness as a remedy for waning desire. I tell readers that mindfulness is akin to riding a roller coaster. If you have ever been on a roller coaster—and whether you liked the experience or not—it’s likely you were thinking of nothing else but what was occurring that very moment. You were too immersed in flying downhill to think about the pile of work left at home or in the office. In daily life, however, thoughts about one thing occur in the middle of doing other things. An e-mail you have to respond to pops into your head in the middle of making love with your husband. During spectator sex, thoughts about if you are looking right or performing adequately distract you from enjoying yourself.


In mindfulness practice, such distracting thoughts are noticed and observed and then released without judgment. When practicing mindfulness, the key is to focus one’s totality on what is happening in the present moment. We can be mindful during any activity. Washing the dishes, for example, can be a meditative, present moment if you completely immerse yourself in the feel of warm, sudsy water on your hands. Eating mindfully can enhance the pleasure of a meal. A state of total immersion and present-focus can be invoked during vacuuming, showering, or talking with a friend.

To put an end to spectator sex—and other distracting thoughts during sex—practice mindfulness. Practice throughout the day. The more practiced you are at achieving an in-the-moment state during daily activities, the easier it will be for you to achieve this same state during sex.
The next time you have sex, have mindful sex. Allow yourself to indulge fully and completely in the physical sensations of the moment. If distracting thoughts occur, take a deep breath and let them float by without judgment. Allow your breaths to lead you fully back to your body’s pleasurable physical reactions. Focus on being completely immersed in the sexual sensations.

It is no coincidence that the phrase “mind-blowing” is often associated with sex. To reach mind-blowing sex, you have to engage in mindful sex. To have sensational sex, you have to focus on the sensations and not on how you are doing or looking. Mind-blowing sex means that your mind is not working; only your body is reacting. Busy brains are not for the bedroom.

The next time you put out the “do not disturb” sign, make sure it is your own self you aren’t disturbing with distracting thoughts.
For more resources on mindfulness, see the works of Jon Kabbat-Zinn.

Discovering Your True Sexual Nature Takes Guts, Time and Practice

One of the more challenging things for many people when it comes to sex is to find what really turns them on after having removed all of their shame and judgment. The next big step is to then state their desires out loud to themselves and to their intimate partners. It is easier said than done, because it requires time, patience and dedication.

Recently, one of my sex coaching clients Vicky, started our session by exclaiming “Holy shit. I think it's actually revolutionary what I'm doing. I am practicing being sexual. I can now actually use the word “sex” without feeling self-conscious or guilty. I am finding my sexual voice. And damn, it does take practice!”

Vicky has been practicing what is often referred to as “Orgasmic Yoga” which, in reality, is not about yoga or orgasms! It's really just another name for developing a core erotic practice.
She has been on a 30 day practice schedule of working solo with her own body; exploring it on a physical and emotional level. Orgasmic Yoga is a pleasurable, intimate and transformative discipline that is practiced while sexually aroused. The goal is to develop or reclaim erotic capacities. Some individuals practice it to reawaken the awesome feelings in their body., others to discover it for the first time.

Taking the time to participate in a mindful, planned solo erotic practice allows the individual to focus on what is substantial in their sexuality rather than what is superficial.
Vicky has also been working to identify her peak erotic experiences in order to understand what gives her authentic sexual pleasure. The desired result is to giver herselft the ability to better communicate her sexual needs to herself and to her partner. This takes guts, and it takes time. It can feel like a radical step to actually practice being sexual. But Vicky, like the countless women and men that I work with, have decided they really want to own their own sexuality; that it's their time.

From Vicky:
“I attended a music workshop recently where we explored the idea of stepping out and dipping our toes into fear. This was about trying on new ways to use our voices, and about performing. It was all new to me, for I am not a performer at all, and while I sing in a community choir, I sing very quietly. I enjoy learning and I feel safe as long as I am surrounded by a group of stronger singers. I imagined the choir as my comfort zone, where I could participate without having to step out into the fear of performing solo.

"But this is not really a comfort zone at all, as I learned during the workshop. My comfort zone is what I know and explore about my own voice. What can it do? What is its range? Where is the heart of the music I love? The only way to discover it is through practice. And more practice. The comfort zone is here, in my own voice. And once I know my own voice, then I can step out into the unknown, fearful places where I can challenge myself to change and expand and share my voice with others.

"It was in choir that I made the connection between our sex coaching and choir.
"I had always thought that my sexual comfort zone was a very confined space, where I would not be challenged, where my partner would be 'fine' with the status quo of our intimate life. I thought the best I could ever hope for was to somehow get better at it, so I could please him better. I thought I wanted the comprehensive 'how-to' manual, but even if there was such a thing, I was too embarrassed and shy to look at it.

"But that's not the comfort zone, is it? What I am learning is that it starts with me. I get to discover my own self as a sexual being, finally, in my mid-fifties! I have to learn to name what my own heart and mind and body want. I need to discover for the first time how sex works for me. I need to come to my senses. It's a bit of a paradox. It's scary to be discovering my own comfort zone. And if this is scary, what will it be like to step out of it?”

A Beginners Guide to Orgasmic Yoga Practice:
From Joseph Kramer, Ph.D, Founder of Orgasmic Yoga: “At it's core Orgasmic Yoga invites embodied, mindful self-accountability. The self-directed practice sessions involve breathing, savoring, sound, movement, touch, placement of attention, and awareness of intention.

"Erotic practice sessions weave together the heart and genitals. This alone is a profound reason to commit to practice. Orgasmic Yoga often produces a state of arousal that is free of fantasy, unfinished emotional business, religious dogma, cultural caveats and habitual sexual behaviors. In this erotic trance state, an individual becomes aware of the body as a source of wisdom, happiness and freedom. Thus, the intent of Orgasmic Yoga practice is the practice”.

Every Orgasmic Yoga session includes the following:
1.A statement of intention(s) at the beginning.
2.A clear beginning and ending time.
3.A session structure, outline or choreography.
4.One or more minutes of Kegels.
5.Conscious breathing patterns.
6.Movement, stretching, and/or dancing.
7.Sounds, moans and laughter.
8.Quiet for the last five minutes of each session.
9.Reflection and note-taking after each session.
10.Full body self touch including genitals

Optional:
1.Use of toys or vibrators
2.Specially Chosen Music
“An integral part of Orgasmic Yoga is to savor and reflect upon the experience after you have completed each day’s practice. It is crucial that you rest quietly for at least five minutes at the end of your session, to simply be and breathe. We suggest that you then reflect on your experience in a journal or with a friend or lover” says Joseph Kramer .

Clearing the space in your life to learn your own sexual voice  can change how you understand, express and enjoy your sexualty. It can also enliven your sexual expression  with your loved ones. It's one of the gifts that you can give yourself.
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Sexual Communication: The Bedrock to Make Your Bed Rock

Every fall semester, I stand at the podium with over 150 college students staring at me and introduce myself and the course content for The Psychology of Human Sexuality. I tell my students that one of my qualifications for teaching this course is that I’ve been having orgasms longer than they’ve been alive. Amidst my students’ surprised laughter, I continue on, using words like “penis” and “clitoris” matter-of-factly, as if introducing content for a math class and telling students they need to purchase a calculator.

What I’m actually doing is laying the groundwork for the simple but often ignored solution to sexual problems: the ability to talk about sexuality. This ability is absolutely essential when it comes to (no pun intended) closing the orgasm gap (the finding that women are having way fewer orgasms than men). Research shows that among women who tell their partners how they like to be touched, the vast majority have orgasms.

Conversely, when women fake orgasms (which research shows about 70 percent of women do), they are training partners to do precisely what doesn't work for them. Most women fake orgasms during intercourse, based on the false belief this is how they "should" orgasm.
Yet, one recent study found that only about 18 percent of women orgasm from penile thrusting alone. In polls I've conducted with over 500 of my students (and detail in my recent book), even fewer (about 5 percent) say that thrusting alone is their "most reliable route to orgasm." The other 95 percent say their most reliable route involves clitoral stimulation, either alone (e.g., oral sex) or coupled with intercourse (e.g., using a vibrator during intercourse).

If you're one of the 95 percent, below you'll find some tips for communicating with your partner about the clitoral stimulation you need, both in and outside of the bedroom. I've also included some pep-talks along the way, especially for those showing new partner's what they want, as many women report feeling especially awkward about this.

During a sexual encounter you can:
•Let your fingers do the talking: Stated simply, you can put your partner's hand in the right place, guiding it with yours. Indeed, whether it's the first or the fiftieth time, you can guide your partner's hands to touch you the way you like. As the authors of the awesome website OMGYes say, "It's impossible to already 'know the moves' with a new partner or with the same partner on a different day." What every woman needs to orgasm is a bit different and what one woman needs can change from one encounter to another. Thus, unless you provide guidance on the type of stimulation you need, you aren't likely to get it.
•Offer brief instructions: You can use words to convey your sexual desires, such as to touch here or there, harder or lighter. “More,” “faster,” “slower,” and “harder” are words that can be quickly and efficiently used. Of course, such simple instructions can result in miscommunication. You could say “faster” and your partner could think this means “harder.” So, it’s important to be willing to continue to give ongoing instructions. And, then, when a partner hits it just right, you can give positive feedback, saying for example, “That feels great, “Yeah. Just like that,” or “Oooh. Keep doing that.” If giving such instructions sounds awkward or uncomfortable, you aren't alone. Women commonly worry that telling male partners (especially first-time partners) how to touch them will be perceived as pushy. However, just the opposite may be true. In one study, men said they’re turned on by women’s requests for clitoral stimulation. The men in my class say that they feel relieved when a woman gives them instructions for clitoral stimulation. They also say that they genuinely want to give women pleasure, but are often at a loss for just how to do so. And, again, the fact that every woman needs something slightly different to reach orgasm makes it even more important to tell a new partner what you like. Even if the relationship doesn’t go past one night, at least it will have been a good one!
•Combine these skills: These sexual communication skills are best when combined. For example, couple your words (“faster”) with your hand coaching (put your hand on top of your partner’s and demonstrate what fast means). Once your hand is removed, if they have it right, use words or moans and other sex sounds to give positive feedback.

When not having a sexual encounter you can:
•Have a "kitchen-table" sex talk: These are the talks that partners have about sex when they aren’t having it. Of course, these talks don’t literally have to be held at the kitchen table; they can occur in any non-sexual venue. They can be general, positive discussions of things you want to try to make good sex even better. Or, they can be used to solve problems. In fact, it’s best not to bring up sexual dissatisfaction or any other difficult topic in bed; the danger is creating a negative association to a place that you want to be exciting and positive. No matter where you have such talks (e.g., on a walk, in the car, at the actual kitchen table), when having problem-solving sex talks, the key is to use the good general communication skills, such as "I statements" rather than accusatory "you statements." Say, for example, “I think it would help me get turned on if..." rather than “You don’t know how to turn me on.”
•Show, not tell: If you want to teach your partner exactly how to stimulate your clitoris something that works wonders is to masturbate while your partner observes. While this idea initially sounds embarrassing for many people, those who’ve tried it mostly give it rave reviews. As stated by a man in the book, I Love Female Orgasm, "I’ve watched my partner masturbate—it was very helpful to me… Really watching her do it was a turn-on as well as an educational experience. And after watching, I could imitate the things she did to herself." Of course, if this feels too out there for you, another option is to:
•Take them to the movies: You can watch a realistic (aka, not porn) female masturbation video together. In fact, I’d suggest the many videos at OMGYes. One of my clients and her husband watched several of the videos together and she said that “Even after four years together, we both learned new things. I found new ways to touch myself and he seemed to truly get the hang of how to touch my clit.” Continuing on, she said, “I mean, he’s always been a really great lover. But, now, Oh My God! Yes!” she laughed. No doubt, taking your partner to the movies—specifically the movies about clitoral stimulation—provides entertainment that lasts well beyond the show!
•Take them to the library. Give your partner something to read. I recently recommended that a student of mine and her female partner read the lesbian sex passages from The Hite Report together—and she reported that doing so really helped them both get more comfortable talking more directly about the specific type of clitoral stimulation they each wanted. One of my other clients recently came to a therapy session very happy, reporting that her boyfriend was reading and trying out the instructions from Ian Kerner’s how-to oral sex manual (She Comes First). My own book, Becoming Cliterate, has a chapter specifically designed to teach male readers all about the power of the clitoris for the female orgasm.
In sum, the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This is a fact we need to start talking about, both generally and with our partners in specific, be that a new or a long-term partner. When my students tell me that they'd find it awkward to talk about sex, I semi-jokingly ask them if it's more awkward than having bad or unsatisfying sex. Or, I quote the opening line of the communication chapter in Becoming Cliterate, taken from blogger Corey Silverberg: "Communication isn't always about talking, but I can promise you that one of the keys to great sex is an ability to talk about it. I can also promise that it's easier to learn to talk about sex than it is to learn to read minds." 

This post was adapted from the communication chapter from Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It.

Is Your Sex Life on Anti-Depressants?

Did you know that there was a link between depression and your orgasm? It was shocking for me to read that according to the National Mental Health Association, there are 12 million women in America that experience clinical depression each year. Not only that - but one in eight women can expect to develop clinical depression during their lifetime.

According to Dr. Michael L. Krychman, Medical Director of Sexual Medicine Hoag Hospital and Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine and quoted from the Zestra Blog.
"Women are more likely to experience atypical depression - they eat more, sleep more and gain weight. Women are about twice as likely as compared to men to suffer from depression. Many factors are implicated in the origin of depression including biological, psychological and social factors. Medical problems can contribute to depression, so its always critical to get a comprehensive history and medical examination. Some cultural or psychosocial problems that may lead to depression include poor self image/ esteem relationship dissatisfaction.

Luckily, there are a variety of treatment modalities that can safely and effectively treat depression, Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors have been come the first choice of antidepressant medications. Many experience life-changing results and return to normal once they have consistently taken these medications. According to the USA today report on Americans taking antidepressants- the amount of Americans using antidepressants doubled in the past - close to 50 million people
Not surprisingly, we see that depressed mood and sexual concerns and difficulties - including changes in sexual desire and lowered arousal - are often intertwined. SSRIs can cause many types of sexual concerns, such as the inability to have an orgasm. Lowered sexual interest is common for both men and women. The sexual side effects of SSRIs have been under estimated and most health care professionals are reluctant to discuss sexual side effects with their patients.

In my clinical experience it remains critical for these women to maintain their SSRI mediciations. Depression is devastating. Sexual side effects are often troublesome, but can be addressed in a variety of ways. For instance, I recommend that if they take their medication in the morning, they enjoy morning sex play before their dose. The amount of SSRI in their system maybe at its lowest level and may allow enough escape, so that they can enjoy orgasm. Another excellent solution to heighten your sexual response and improve sexual satisfaction is with Zestra ®, a patented blend of botanical oils and extracts that has been clinically proven to be safe and effective. Zestra can be applied topically to help with latency to orgasm and has been reported by many women on SSRI also report improved sexual orgasmic response."

As a Sex and Relationship Coach, I also think that it is helpful for women and their partners to separate the idea and concept of "climax" from the idea or concept of orgasm. We live in a very male dominated society - where almost every experience including female sexuality and orgasm are based on a male model. The male model for orgasm is all around ejaculation and climax - the entire experience can happen in three minutes! Women can have an entirely different experience of sexual pleasure - and their experience can be separated into "orgasm" and "climax". Women can have tremendous pleasure floating back into the pleasure of orgasm without a climax. It's just that we think we are not having an "orgasm" if we don't experience a "climax".

It's time to change this model for every woman - and for women on anti-depressants, introducing the concept of "Slow Sex" or "Organic Orgasm" can be very helpful.
I also think that understanding the Orgasm Gap between men and women (which really should be renamed the "Climax Gap") would help women better understand their sexual responses and reduce anxiety about experiencing  feminine erotic pleasure. Men and Women are different.  Women who are experiencing depression can feel like their erotic response is also depressed. But using tools like arousal gels, lubricants, sex toys such as vibrators, and re-educating ourselves about the female experience of orgasm and climax can changed the game and welcome back pleasure for everyone

No one should have a depressed orgasm!

Finding Her Voice

The traditional belief used to be that women were much less sexually-oriented than men. Then came the focus on female orgasm, the new belief being if women have predictable orgasms, all would be well. In truth, neither approach reflects acceptance of the uniqueness of female sexuality.
The psychologically empowering concept is that women have the same right to desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction as men. The biggest mistake people make is to define female sexuality narrowly and mechanistically. Sex does not equal intercourse. Sexual satisfaction does not equal orgasm. The male model of easy, predictable, autonomous sexual response is not right for female sexuality. The myth is if the woman has a predictable orgasm, she will not experience inhibited sexual desire or sexual dissatisfaction.

Healthy female sexuality includes:
Desire  ̶  Anticipating being sexual and feeling you deserve sexual pleasure.
Pleasure  ̶   Receptivity and responsivity to sensual and playful touching resulting in feeling sexual open and turned-on.
Eroticism  ̶   Including letting go and allowing erotic flow to naturally culminate in orgasm.

Satisfaction  ̶   Feeling good about yourself, your partner, and your intimate bond.
Although we are big fans of arousal and orgasm, it is clear that the essence of healthy female sexuality is desire and satisfaction.
The key to female sexual desire is that she feel responsible for herself as a sexual woman. It is not the man's role to give her desire, arousal, or orgasm. It is his role to be her intimate and erotic friend who is aware of her feelings and needs, and open to her sexual requests and guidance. Ideally, each partner values intimacy, non-demand pleasuring, and eroticism. Traditionally, our culture has not valued female sexuality, especially female eroticism. The old view was that women were not supposed to be erotic. The new view is that female eroticism is to prove to the man that she is erotically desirable. Healthy female eroticism involves her erotic feelings, preferences, scenarios, and techniques, not in comparison to her partner's, an erotic ideal, a romantic ideal, or to prove something to the man.

Self-acceptance is core to healthy female sexuality. Perfectionism, pressure, contingent sexual self-esteem, poor body image, fear of being sexually judged, shame or guilt about past sexual experiences all can inhibit sexual desire.
A key to healthy female sexuality is awareness and acceptance based on positive, realistic sexual expectations. These include valuing variable, flexible sexual response. Examples include awareness that it is normal for one of three regularly orgasmic women to never or almost never be orgasmic during intercourse;  accepting " responsive sexual desire" i.e., not feel desire until feeling emotionally connected or physically responsive to touching or being touched; approximately 70 percent of couple encounters result in female orgasm; a large number of women utilize multiple stimulation during both pleasuring and intercourse, including using erotic fantasies; satisfaction is about feeling good about sexuality and energized as a woman and couple rather than falling into the trap of orgasm as a pass-fail performance test. Perhaps most important is that female sexuality is more variable, flexible, and individualistic than male sexuality. It is different, not better or worse. Embracing her sexual voice is the challenge of healthy female and couple sexuality.

The Orgasm Wars

For years, scientists have been debating the function of female orgasm. Nowthey've finally figured it out. For women, the psychology of sexual satisfaction turns out to be much more sophisticated than most (male) scientists have been willing to concede. Of course.
Ever since Alfred Kinsey and Masters and Johnson made the subject of human sexual response safe for respectable scientists, laboratory studies of the physiologic "hows" of sexual arousal have flourished. Volunteers have been prodded, filmed, tape-recorded, interviewed, measured, wired, and monitored, quantifying for the annals of science the shortened breath, arched backs and feet, grimacing faces, marginally intentional vocalizations, and jumping blood pressure of human orgasm.

While physiological details abound, fewer scientists have attempted to answer the "why" questions about human orgasm. To those who view human behavior in an evolutionary framework, which we believe adds an invaluable perspective, male orgasm is no great mystery. It's little more than a physiologically simple ejaculation that is accompanied by a nearly addictive incentive to seek out further sexual encounters. The greater the number of inseminations a male achieves, the better his chances of being genetically represented in future generations.

Compared with the more frequent and easily achieved orgasm men experience, women's sexual climax has remained a mystery. After all, women do not need to experience orgasm in order to conceive. So what is the function of orgasm in females?
Darwinian theorists who made early attempts to address female orgasm proposed that orgasm keeps a woman lying down after sex, passively retaining sperm and increasing her probability of conception. Others suggested that it evolved to create a stronger pair bond between lovers, inspiring in women feelings of intimacy and trust toward mates. Some reasoned that orgasm communicates a woman's sexual satisfaction and devotion to a lover.

Most recently, evolutionary psychologists have been exploring the proposition that female orgasm is a sophisticated adaptation that allows women to manipulate—even without their own awareness—which of their lovers will be allowed to fertilize their eggs.
Male Nipples?
The diversity of evolutionary hypotheses reflects one general attitude: that the quickened breath, moaning, racing heart, muscular contraction and spasms, and nearly hallucinatory states of pleasure that orgasm inspires constitute a complex physiologic event with apparently functional design. But critics of adaptationist hypotheses have long argued that evolution is more slipshod than purposeful. A few, including Harvard evolutionist Stephen lay Gould, have insisted that female orgasm probably doesn't have a function.

Instead, Gould argues, female orgasm is incidental, caused by an anatomical peculiarity of embryonic development. In embryos, the undifferentiated organ that later becomes the penis in males becomes the clitoris in females. Antiadaptationists like Gould--whose thinking uncannily parallels Freud's belief that women spend their life in penis envy--hold that the clitoris is, biologically speaking, an underdeveloped penis; it can let women mimic male orgasm, but it has no functional relevance or evolutionary history of its own.

Well known for his emphasis on chance events and structural constraints as major players in the evolutionary process, Gould sees the supposed functionlessness of female orgasm as a classic illustration why scientists ought not automatically assume that a trait has adaptive significance. He criticizes other evolutionists for overemphasizing natural selection and functionality, and concludes that female orgasm is like the male nipple--nothing more than developmental baggage.

Many evolutionists have rejected Gould's notion that women's orgasms are developmentally contingent on men's. Unlike a male nipple, adaptationists have pointed out, the female orgasm does something. It inspires strong emotions that can affect bonding and sexual preferences, making women more likely to prefer the company of one mate over another.

Only during the past few years have studies begun to yield evidence that may resolve the baggage-versus-adaptation debate over women's orgasms.
Sperm Competition, with Women Judging
Clues for a reasonable adaptation hypothesis were readily available by the late 1960s, when The British Medical Journal published an exchange of letters about the muscular contractions and uterine suction associated with women's orgasm. In one letter, a doctor reported that a patient's uterine and vaginal contractions during sex with a sailor had pulled off his condom. Upon inspection, the condom was found in her cervical canal! The doctor concluded that female orgasms pull sperm closer to the egg as well.

Yet, it was only three years ago that two British biologists, Robin Baker and Mark Bellis, tested the so-called upsuck hypothesis. They were building upon ideas articulated by evolutionary biologist Robert Smith, who suggested that since women don't have orgasms every time out, female orgasm favors some sperm over others. Baker and Bellis sought to learn just how female orgasms might affect which of a lover's sperm is used to fertilize a woman's eggs.

They asked volunteers to keep track of the timing of their orgasms during sex, and, after copulation, to collect male ejaculates from vaginal flowback--a technical term denoting a distinct form of material that emerges from the vagina several hours after sex (scientists have devised a way to collect it). The team counted sperm from over 300 instances of human copulation.

They discovered that when a woman climaxes any time between a minute before to 45 minutes after her lover ejaculates, she retains significantly more sperm than she does after nonorgasmic sex. When her orgasm precedes her male's by more than a minute, or when she does not have an orgasm, little sperm is retained. Just as the doctors' letters suggested decades earlier, the team's results indicated that muscular contractions associated with orgasm pull sperm from the vagina to the cervix, where it's in better position to reach an egg.

Baker and Bellis proposed that by manipulating the occurrence and timing of orgasm--via subconscious processes--women influence the probability of conception. So while a man worries about a woman's satisfaction with him as a lover out of fear she will stray, orgasmic females may be up to something far more clever--deciding which partner will sire her children.

Good Men Are Hard To Find
Meanwhile, other researchers were making discoveries about the nature of male attractiveness. Behavioral ecologists had noted that female animals, from scorpion flies to barn swallows,

Wilhelm Reich: Orgasm as Analgesic

Austrian-born Wilhelm Reich became one of Sigmund Freud's most brilliant disciples, only to die in a United States prison at age 60.
It has been more than fifty years since his death, but it is interesting that one can see reflections of Reich in those pools of alternative medicine clinics which seem to be popping up on every street corner. I have written about chi and the necessity for the freedom of energy flow for the body to stay healthy. Reich was discussing similar concepts many decades ago.

After his ill-fated involvement with Communism, Reich turned to studying the nexus of mind and body in psychotherapy. He explored tensions in his patients, and how those tensions impact emotions. In the 1930s, Reich developed a theory describing how energy and emotion course through the body: a "new" theory in Europe at the time, yet so ancient to an acupuncturist or a yoga instructor or a chi counselor.

Reich took the tension issue to its obvious next psychoanalytic level, the tension of repressed sexuality. He believed that anyone unfortunate enough to be raised in an atmosphere which negates sexuality is at risk of acquiring a fear of excitation, which in turn can result in physical pain with muscle spasm.

Reich expounded upon the concept of life energy in the 1940s: There are rhythms of life which flow through the arteries of every living being, which watch over the universe, which serve as a conduit for the tenderness of love. Reich felt it was crucial that every human being did not suffer the blockage of this energy.

Unfortunately, many of us develop a sort of armor to block our impulses from embarrassing ourselves in society. Reich was more specific in the naming of this armor, calling it "Neuromuscular Armor". And it is necessary to break this armor so that body energies could move freely once more: this would allow an individual to experience the emotions of others.

"Character Armor" for Reich functions to protect the individual from the negative stimulus associated with pain-pain which is the result of the repression of things that society deems inappropriate. "Muscular Armor" is the physical expression of Character Armor, causing rigidity and possibly muscle pain and arthritis. It is the duty of the therapist to crack these armors, and let the natural flow of life to occur.

Of course, not all pain is the result of a tardy orgasm.
However, we all must be vigilant, and unafraid to confront the barriers to the free-flow of life energy. We all will hurt a little less, particularly if that vigilance does not result in a jail term.