Are male multiple orgasms just a myth?

In the ongoing race between the sexes, we often assume that women get the short end of the stick, given how much more difficult - or at least, less well-served by penetrative sex - the female orgasm is to achieve. 

And yet, many women, with practice, able to achieve something most men only dream of: the multiple orgasm.

But, just because it isn’t widely experienced, does that mean that male multiple orgasms don’t exist? The answer may surprise you.

While not solely focused on sex, these philosophies have developed practices related to the extension of coitus and hence male erection by studying methods to achieve multi-orgasm.

Taoism and ejaculation control

According to the Tao, sperm is a vital energy depositor and for this reason should be kept as much in the body as possible. This belief has led the Taoists to develop a series of techniques to prevent ejaculation: from the simple coitus interruptus to exerting pressure to the perineum or even conscious contraction of the muscles of the perineum itself.

Tantra and the ‘Valley Orgasm’

Tantric disciplines proposes a different approach to sex than we’re used to: according to Tantric theory, in fact, orgasm simply IS NOT the purpose of sexual intercourse. 

Tantric sex is based on a protracted contact between the two partners, which does not necessarily imply sexual intercourse as we usually mean it.

 

Tantra promotes four ways to achieve this kind of sensation: attention, sound, breath, and movement. And if three of these are generally shared by western approaches to sex (attention to the partner, use of voice, movements in harmony with the other), when it comes to breathing, there is a diametrically opposite approach.

In the west we associate excitement, sexual desire, and orgasm with short and rushed breaths. The more excited we are, the shorter and shallower our breaths become. Tantra, on the other hand, promotes a deep breathing technique that really makes sense if you think about, since every time we breathe we oxygenate muscles and brain.

Orgasm and ejaculation

Returning to the distinction between men and women, the thing that distinguishes female orgasm from the male is that female orgasm does not (usually) involve ejaculation.

And yet therein lies the rub: most of us tend to consider orgasm and ejaculation as two faces of the same coin, but in fact it is not. There can be orgasm without ejaculation and ejaculation without orgasm. Ejaculation is not the cause of orgasm, but it is a reflection that follows after a few seconds.

The refractory period

While it can vary from lasting just a few moments or a few hours, the refractory period refers to the period after ejaculation in which one is physically unable to have an erection and hence an orgasm. The existence of a refractory period in men – and not women – is how we get the idea what women can have multiple orgasms and men cannot. However…

It can be done

The key to achieving male multiple orgasms is to find that crucial moment before orgasm becomes ejaculation, and stop. The pleasurable spasms of orgasm will be tested, but the lack of ejaculation will make the penis stay erect so you can resume sex. 

This sexpert thinks she's found the answer to closing the orgasm gap

Vrangalova has said that staying open-minded about anal sex could be part of the solution to bridge that orgasm gap. Picture: Max Pixel

WATCH: This sexpert thinks she's found the answer to closing the orgasm gap

Sexpert and NYU professor of human sexuality Zhana Vrangalova thinks she may have come up with a possible solution to the orgasm gap. 

According to a 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, only 65% of heterosexual women experience orgasm "always" or "usually" during sex with an intimate partner.

The orgasm gap "is especially true for heterosexual and bisexual women. Lesbian women have higher rates of orgasm compared to women of other sexual orientations - although still somewhat lower rates than men of all sexual orientations,” said Vrangalova.

WATCH: 5 reasons why women climax less than men [WARNING: CONTENT OF A SENSITIVE NATURE]

According to her, research suggests that anal sex, partnered with the other acceptance-driven acts that come along with it, could pave the way for inclusive orgasms in the future.

While the latest data made for a compelling argument, Vrangalova added that more research had to be done to provide a more conclusive road map.

“There is certainly physical pleasure that comes with anal play that contributes to women’s likelihood of orgasming during those encounters, but I don’t think that this means that anal sex in and of itself is the holy grail of orgasms for women,” she told wellandgood.com. 

Instead, she argued that sexual experiences including anal likely tend to last longer, have greater variety, and are imbued with open, intimate communication.

“(Anal) is also an activity that anyone can engage in (regardless of gender or sexual orientation) because we all have butts with nerve endings that feel good when stimulated,” Vrangalova concluded.

Are you masturbating enough?

As the old joke goes, 95% of people masturbate, and 5% are lying.

How often does the average person really masturbate, though? According to a recent survey of more than 10 000 people in nine counties between the ages of 18 and 70, 95% of men and 81% of women admitted to having masturbated in their lifetime. 

Men take the lead with an average of 15 times per month while the average woman pleasures herself eight times per month. While woman are almost twice as likely to own an adult toy, 70% of sex toy owners claim that they enhance their sexual experiences.

Contrary to popular belief, you won’t go bald, blind or grow hair on your palms. In fact, many consider masturbation a form of self-care as it has been proven to be good for both your mental and physical health.

Here are just a few of the benefits of masturbation:

Overall happiness

Orgasms release Endorphins, Serotonin and Oxytocin. These are feel-good hormones that can relieve pain and make you feel happier regardless of gender or age, just like you would after a great workout.

Confidence booster

It teaches you about your body. Many sex therapists will recommend masturbation as a form of self-discovery as it’s easier to reach orgasm without the pressure of a partner. Learning about your body and being comfortable with your own sexual preferences also builds confidence and self-esteem.

It just feels good

It leads to better sex. You can’t expect your partner to satisfy you sexually if you don’t know exactly how to do it yourself. Figuring out what you like sexually is good; sharing it with your partner is even better. As they say, practice makes perfect.

Exercises your pelvic floor

It strengthens your pelvic floor. Just like Kegel Balls, the contractions you feel during orgasm will exercise your pelvic floor muscles which could help with urinary issues like incontinence and erectile dysfunction.

Better sleep

You’ll sleep better. An orgasm just before bedtime will leave you more relaxed and puts you in a natural meditative state. Those feel-good hormones released during orgasm will also help you fall asleep faster and generally lead to deeper sleep.

Brain food

It improves concentration. Think about the last orgasm you had; odds are you weren’t thinking about that work deadline. Reaching orgasm requires you to shift any stressful thoughts you might have aside and helps you to focus on the task at hand (pun intended).

Overall heart health

It’s good for your heart. Just like exercise, masturbation gets your blood pumping and increases your breathing rate, which can lead to a lower risk of weight gain and better cardiovascular health. We’re not saying skip the gym, but it won’t hurt to add it to your exercise routine.

So how often should you masturbate?

We’ve already established that most people masturbate and that they do so for different reasons. It helps you to broaden your sexual horizons, it enables you to relax, and it relieves sexual tension when your partner might not be around, but the honest truth is that most people do it because it feels really, really good. 

Whether you masturbate more than once a day, weekly, monthly or even once a decade, this is all perfectly normal and absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. In short, masturbation is natural, healthy, and it goes without saying that the safest sexual partner is yourself. After all, you know where you’ve been.

Chasing the orgasm

In a recent discussion I discovered than many of us are battling to reach orgasm. Some aren’t sure what an orgasm is, or whether they have ever had an orgasm.

Orgasm is a wonderful release and makes sex pleasurable but it’s not the only game in town! You don’t HAVE to orgasm every time you have sex. The intimacy of the act can be enough.

There are many reasons why someone may feel like they can’t orgasm. Some believe that they will never have an orgasm but I believe with a bit of work you can change this.

I also want to stress that there are a lot of great sexual acts and levels of intimacy that don’t involve orgasms but we have been conditioned to think that sex equals orgasm.

You need to answer a few questions to establish the cause:

 Have you ever had an orgasm (and yes, this includes an orgasm from masturbation)?

 Do you masturbate regularly or at all?

 Do you think you’d know an orgasm if you had one?

Many who have never had an orgasm simply need the right information to know how to have one. If you’ve already had orgasms and you can’t orgasm now, it’s probably not something as straightforward as knowing where to touch yourself and how.

The masturbation question is important because if you aren’t having orgasms, it can be so much easier to learn to orgasm through masturbation than through sex with a partner.

Once you’ve answered these questions we know where to investigate further. Having an orgasm is divided into 3 parts – Desire, arousal and tipping.

First, consider where the problems may be happening:

 Are you not feeling any desire for sex, this can lead to you not wanting or enjoying sex a bit barrier to orgasm.

 Do you want to have sex (the desire part) but find that once you start having sex you don’t get very turned on (the arousal part)?

 Do you want to have sex, get turned on, but find you can never quite make it over the top to have an orgasm (the actual orgasm or tipping part)?

There are a couple of parts to sex you have to think about – It is the body part, mind, relationship, medication, technique or upbringing that is getting in your way?

Because orgasm is an event that involves so many systems in your body (neurological, anatomical, muscular, hormonal, respiratory, the list goes on) there may be physical reasons you aren’t having orgasms.

If you can’t orgasm a good first step is to talk to your sex friendly doctor to either rule out, or discover, potential physical causes and then prescribe a course of action.

Orgasms are both a mental and physical experience. Your mental state, both how we feel and how we think, can get in the way of our ability to orgasm. In order to orgasm you need to be able to relax, focus, and concentrate enough to take in the pleasurable feelings.

Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD can all make it difficult to orgasm. It’s not uncommon for someone to be able to orgasm during masturbation but have difficulty with a partner. If you’re consistently able to have an orgasm when masturbating but never do with a partner, there may be one of few things getting in the way.

The easiest one to fix is one of sexual technique. You may just have to change your position or increase foreplay. If you’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel safe, or where there isn’t enough trust, orgasms may not come. These are bigger problems that may need third party intervention.

Many different medications can get in the way of you having an orgasm. If you can’t orgasm and you are taking any medication, check with the doctor who prescribes the medication.

The right sexual technique won’t guarantee an orgasm, but without it the chances of having one go way down. What’s needed is the right amount of stimulation, in the right area, and of the right kind. Take your lead from what works for you during masturbation and teach your partner. You may want to include an adult toy.

What was taught to you about sex can have a profound effect on how you feel about and enjoy sex. Remember I talked about how sex changes with age? Society influences our thought processes, these include:

 Quality and amount of sex education you receive.

 Messages you received about your body.

 Values and beliefs about sexual health and sexual pleasure.

 Values and beliefs about sexuality and gender.

 Your belief around masturbation.

While we know that these teachings were outdated and harmful, they sit with us on a cellular level and require many hours of deprogramming to change. I would urge you to get help because if sex is a pleasure the intimacy levels in your relationship will increase and this makes everything better!