G spot on the spot

Your piece about the ultrasound study of the “G spot” (23 February, p 6) failed to mention many of the scientific problems. First, the authors’ definition in their paper of vaginal orgasm as “the orgasm experienced after direct stimulation of the anterior vaginal wall by penetration, without concomitant stimulation of the external clitoris” is technical and impossible to confirm. Is this penile penetration or were fingers or dildo used?
In 25 years as a sex therapist, I have not met many women who knew which wall of their vagina received stimulation during penile intercourse – and how do you keep other walls from getting involved? We know a lot about the ultrasound technique, but we don’t know much about the sexual practices and experiences of the women in this study.
Secondly, the way you presented this research could encourage the dangerous wave of untested cosmetic surgeries and injections that claim to “thicken the G spot”. Commercialisation of this topic greatly exceeds its scientific basis. Media that should be scientific are promoting unsafe and untested practices.
Emmanuele Jannini writes:
• Some of our subjects were medical doctors and understood terms such as “anterior”. Though we used these terms in the paper, in real life we also used popular language to ensure all participants understood. Nothing we have published suggests the possibility of a surgical technique, so I disagree that this research could encourage cosmetic manipulation of the G spot.
New York, US

Why do women fake orgasms? Study suggests surprising answer

In one survey, 46% of headache sufferers said sex had triggered a headache. Usually, this is an overexertion headache (like joggers and weight-lifters sometimes get); you may feel a dull pain that builds during foreplay or get a sudden headache around orgasm (more likely in men). In rare cases, such an intense headache could be caused by a tumor or aneurysm. For most folks, though, sex headaches are harmless.More from Health.com: The 5 kinds of headaches istockphoto

(CBS) Do women fake orgasms to protect fragile men's egos?

 

A provocative new study suggests another reason women fake it: to keep a man faithful.
"One particular reason that emerges from a lot of studies is 'to keep my partner interested in this relationship,' or 'to prevent him from defecting [from] the relationship or leaving the relationship for another woman,'" study lead author Dr. Farnaz Kaighobadi, a postdoctoral research fellow at Columbia University in New York City, told Live Science.

For the study - published in the Nov. issue of Archives of Sexual Behavior - researchers surveyed 453 heterosexual women in the Southeastern U.S. who were in long-term relationships. The researchers found that 54 percent of the women admitted to faking an orgasm. A closer look showed women who thought their partner might stray were more likely to report faking. What's more, these women were more likely to engage in other "mate-retention" behaviors, like dressing to please or keeping tabs on their partners when they're apart.
"Pretending orgasm may be part of a broader strategy of mate retention available to women to maintain their intimate relationship," Kaighobadi told CBS News.
Kaighobadi suggests that faking an orgasm to keep a mate from straying may be an evolutionary adaptation. Previous research suggests when a woman has an orgasm, it may cause her body to retain sperm for child-bearing. The evolutionary theory suggests faking an orgasm unconsciously might help a woman retain the sperm of a man with "good genes," giving her the best chance to have a healthy child.
Essentially, women may use faked orgasms to signal to their partner that "I am selecting you," thus manipulating his commitment.

The orgasm gap and what sex-ed did not teach you

There is a clear disparity between men and women when it comes to achieving orgasm; a phenomenon scientists call the orgasm gap.
Studying orgasms is no easy task. We work as psychology of sexual behaviour researchers in the lab of Dr. James Pfaus at Concordia University and were interested to explore the “controversy” of clitoral versus vaginal orgasms.
We conducted a literature review on the current state of the evidence and different perspectives on how this phenomenon occurs in women. Particularly, the nature of a woman’s orgasm has been a source of scientific, political and cultural debate for over a century. Although science has an idea of what orgasms are, we are still quite uncertain as to how they occur.
Orgasms are one of the few phenomena that occur as a result of a highly complex interaction of several physiological and psychological systems all at once. While there may be evolutionary reasons why men are more likely to orgasm during sex, we shouldn’t doom ourselves to this idea. Indeed, part of the problem lies in what happens in the bedroom.
We all have different preferences when it comes to what we like in bed. But one commonality we share is that we know when we orgasm and when we do not. We don’t always orgasm every time we have sex, and that can be just fine, because we may have sex for many different reasons. However, studies repeatedly show that women reach climax less often than men do during sexual encounters together.
For example, a national survey conducted in the United States showed that women reported one orgasm for every three from men. Heterosexual males said they achieved orgasm usually or always during sexual intimacy, 95 per cent of the time.
The gap appears to become narrower among homosexual and bisexual people, where 89 per cent of gay males, 88 per cent bisexual males, 86 per cent lesbian women, and 66 per cent of bisexual women orgasm during sexual interactions.

When we take a closer look at what might explain the orgasm gap, we can see the type of relationship we have with our partner matters. If you are in an established committed relationship, the gap tends to close, but it widens during casual sex.
That is, women in a committed relationship report reaching an orgasm as often as 86 per cent of the time, whereas women in casual sex encounters report they orgasm only 39 per cent of the time. Furthermore, heterosexual women achieve orgasm easily and regularly through masturbation.
Likewise, the more knowledge about the female genitalia (especially about the clitoris) the partner has, the higher the likelihood is for women to orgasm more frequently. Finally, and most importantly, the respondents reported the most reliable practice to achieve an orgasm for women is oral sex.
We don’t know why this gap occurs in casual sex versus sex in a committed relationship, but part of it might be how we communicate what we want sexually, what we expect sexually and attitudes toward sexual pleasure.
What sex-ed did not teach you
Formal education teaches us a vast amount of relevant topics in school, yet sexual education has been and is still a matter of (moral) debate. For many of us, sexual education covered reproductive biology and how not to get pregnant or contract sexually transmitted infections.
Sex-ed has been focused on preventing kids from having sex. “Always use condoms” was sometimes the most progressive sex-ed message. Education is now progressing into teaching what sex is about and how to engage in ethical and respectful sex, but that is still not the whole picture. How about pleasure or how to have fun and to explore what we like, how to communicate to our partners and many other crucial aspects of intimate life?
The key to the ultimate goal of enjoying ourselves is to know what you and your partner want and how to satisfy each other. Consequently, incomplete and biased sex education fails both men and women, omitting the fact sex is not only for reproduction but also for enjoyment.
Maybe the first thing we should learn about sex is that it is one of the favourite pastimes of adults. Preventing it from happening will only increase the likelihood of future generations engaging in it more, only with less knowledge about to how get the most out of it.
Some advice for sexual partners
Our first reaction to the orgasm gap may be to point fingers and find someone to blame: Cultural attitudes, religion, society, the educational system, your ex. Certainly, anyone would agree that the gap is a multifactorial phenomenon.
Statistics do not count when it comes to your own intimacy. In bed, it’s you and your partner(s), and that is what matters. We cannot create nor do we trigger orgasms in our partners. We can only help to make them easier, more fun and more enjoyable for them.
Even if you may have a good idea of what your partner may want in bed, what people like varies a great deal. Thus, understanding what a partner wants, how, when, where, or for how long, requires openness, trust and, most importantly, communication.
These key ingredients may be what’s missing in both casual and long-term encounters. We could all be more open and humble, and acknowledge that with a good attitude and a good teacher, everyone gets better at it.
Your sexual prowess and ability to satisfy grows with practice; it goes without saying that our sexual lives should improve beyond previous negative experiences.
There may be very few things in this world that perhaps all people in this world enjoy, and orgasms are among them. But the enjoyment of sex is not the race to climb to the top of the mountain. Instead, it is the enjoyment of getting there.
So what can you do? Talk, be confident and pay attention to your partner.
Satisfaction means very different things for different people. What really matters is what you and your partner(s) want. Shattering the climax glass ceiling is a team effort. Sex is fun — and everyone has something to learn about it.

All female mammals have a clitoris – we’re starting to work out what that means for their sex lives

Female enjoyment of sex is typically associated with the human species.
But actually all female mammals have a clitoris, the highly sensitive organ that is linked with pleasure and orgasm in women.
And research is now starting to slowly unpack how the clitoris might be involved in sexual encounters in mammals. For example, a research paper presented at a biology conference this week showed that the clitoris in dolphins is very large, and more complex than we previously thought.
Let’s take a look at the biology and evolution of the clitoris – for science.
It starts in the uterus
All babies, regardless of whether they are destined to become a boy or a girl, begin development in the womb with a small bulge called a genital tubercle.
If the developing fetus is destined to become male, the fetal testes will produce the male hormone testosterone and the genital tubercle will develop into a penis. If, on the other hand, the fetus is destined to become a female, the fetal ovary will not produce any hormones and instead the genital tubercle will develop into the clitoris.
Both structures look very similar in the early days of pregnancy.
Since the penis and the clitoris both develop from the same structure, they share many similarities.
The clitoris has a hood in humans: this is the same as the foreskin in males. The clitoris has a glans, which is the same structure as the head of the penis in men. Both the penis and clitoris become engorged with blood when stimulated. And both structures are full of nerves which, at least in humans, provide a pleasurable sensation when stimulated.
A very recent science

But compared to the penis, the clitoris is not well studied even in humans.
Amazingly, it was not until the late 1990s that the complete anatomy of the human clitoris was accurately described by Australia’s first female urologist, Helen O’Connell. Her work to understand the detailed form and function of the clitoris provides answers to some basic biological questions about sex.
Such research also has implications in pelvic area surgery, where doctors can use this knowledge to avoid any loss of sexual function.
Female hyenas are special
Because the penis and clitoris develop from the same tissue in the fetus, anything that affects the hormone balance in the embryo can impact its development. A great example of this is seen in the female spotted hyena.
In this mammal, the female rules the pack. She is larger and more muscular than the males because she is exposed to high levels of male hormones during embryonic development.
But this more muscled physique comes at a cost. The male hormones also affect the clitoris, turning it into a structure that looks like the male penis.
Unfortunately for the female hyena this 20cm clitoris contains the birth canal. So, the female needs to both mate and give birth through her clitoris, which often splits in the process, causing a high death rate in first time mothers.
There are other known differences in clitoris anatomy across species too.
The urethra is the tube through which urine passes to the outside of the body. Many animals have the urethra running through the clitoris (as it does in the penis) while in humans, the urethra opens at the base of the clitoris.Most mammals also have a small bone in the clitoris to help it become rigid during intercourse. This is known as the os clitoris and again shares a counterpart in the penis, the os penis. Os clitoris and os penis bones are present in most mammals, and humans are unusual in not having one in either organ.
Getting lost in the moment
The jury is still out on whether all mammals experience orgasm.
Non-human primates almost certainly do, but it is difficult to measure pleasure in animals.
What is certain is that females who stick around for longer during the act of mating are much more likely to become pregnant and produce more offspring. So if a clitoris does enhance enjoyment, then it would be strongly selected for in nature through increasing the females chance of having offspring.
Although the clitoris is not well studied, there is evidence of larger clitorides – yes, this is the plural of clitoris – in animals in which sex plays an important part in relationship building. Examples include the matriarchal hyena, bonobo chimps, humans and most recently in the dolphin.
Lots of surprises
A paper released this week reveals that female bottlenose dolphins have clitorides similar to humans, and that female dolphins may experience sexual pleasure.
Researchers used a combination of dissections and 3D scans to explore the female genitalia of dolphins in detail.
The shape and structure of the dolphin clitoris is very similar to that of the human. Both animals have extensive areas of erectile tissue that are larger than the clitoral hood. The skin under the clitoral hood also contains bundles of nerves that may increase sensitivity, raising the possibility that sexual experiences can be pleasurable for female dolphins.
However, there are also some differences in the location of the clitoris with respect to the vaginal opening and how it would be stimulated during copulation.
These comparative studies help us learn about the function of genitalia, and the evolution of sexual bonding across species.
Science has revealed a bizarre array of penis shapes found in mammals, from a four-headed penis in the echidna to two-headed penises in many marsupials.
It remains to be seen what surprises the clitoris has in store for us.

What are the differences among birth control pills?

Dear Alice,
What are the differences in birth control pills? I switched from Ortho-Tri cyclen to Alesse after asking my doctor for a lighter dose of estrogen, but have been told by friends that Nordette has the least amount and is the most effective. With all the news of hormones negatively affecting women's health, I'm very concerned.

Dear Reader,

No wonder you're confused — there are a variety of birth control pills on the market, and between the messages from advertisements, your friends, and your health care provider it can be difficult to distinguish what's best for you. Many people experience some sort of side effect related to birth control pills. In terms of long-term risk, research suggests that higher doses of estrogen increase the risk of breast and cervical cancers. That being said, its use can also lower the risk of getting ovarian, endometrial, and colon cancers. Learning more about the benefits and risks of different kinds of birth control pills can help you make the decision that is best for you!
Generally speaking, two different types of pills are being prescribed today:

• Combination pill: This is the most commonly prescribed type of pill, and it contains small doses of both estrogen and progestin in synthetic forms. Within this type there are monophasic pills, which has the same amount of each hormone throughout the whole cycle; and multiphasic pills, which contains varying amounts of the hormones in one cycle. These two subcategories are further segmented based on whether it contains more estrogen or progestin. Ortho Tri-Cyclen is a common brand of combination pills; the two others you mentioned, Alesse and Nordette, have since been discontinued and are no longer available on the market.
• Progestin-only pill: Also called the minipill, this is usually prescribed to decrease some of the side effects associated with estrogen or if there are health conditions or life changes, such as needing to breastfeed, that no longer allow for synthetic estrogen as an option. Progestin-only pills may initially cause more irregular menstruation, decreasing the number of periods for the first year. Other progestin-only contraceptive options include the contraceptive shot and some intrauterine devices (IUDs).

Because each of these has a different amount and type of synthetic estrogen and progestin, it makes comparing pills complicated. However, most birth control pills nowadays contain less estrogen than previous versions, with current formulas containing about 20 to 30 micrograms, compared to pills of the past which may have had more than 50 micrograms. Additionally, some pills are taken in 21-day or 28-day cycles, while others, called extended-cycle birth control pills, are taken in 84-day cycles. This increases the amount of time between each period of withdrawal bleeding, occurring only every three months, compared to every month. Just as pills can have different amounts of hormones, the number of days the pill is taken in a cycle may also affect comparisons.

Most pills have some reported side effects — changes in acne, weight, or mood, to name a few. People who take the pill may experience some side effects to different degrees. Many of these effects may be mitigated by a change in dosage. For instance, an increase in acne might be countered by a higher dose of estrogen and less progestin, while persistent headaches might be mollified by lower doses of both. Because of the many factors that come into play when choosing a pill, it's wise to take note of any symptoms you’re experiencing that are related to the pills. That way, you can work with your health care provider to determine the best contraception option for you. It's not uncommon for people to try out several different formulations of the contraceptive pill or other hormonal methods to determine which works best for them or has the least amount of disruptive side effects.
Synthetic hormones are a much debated topic, especially as it relates to estrogen and breast cancer. Some studies have indicated a 20 percent increase in the risk of breast cancer for those who use birth control pills. The risk of cervical cancer also increases after using oral contraceptives for five years or more, but the risk can decline when they aren't used anymore. However, just as the risk for breast and cervical cancers can increase from oral contraceptive use, it can also reduce the risk of other cancers. Endometrial cancer is reduced by about 30 percent, and the protective factors continue even after it's no longer being used. Additionally, the risk of ovarian cancer can be reduced about 30 to 50 percent, and like endometrial cancer, lasts long after it's no longer used. Finally, they can reduce the risk of colorectal cancer by 15 to 20 percent. Given its ability to both increase and reduce different types of cancers, it's ultimately about finding what works for you and based on you and your health care provider's evaluation of the pros and cons associated with oral contraceptives.
All in all, kudos to you for taking control of your health and seeking more information about what you are putting in your body.

How do birth control pills work?

Alice,
How do birth control pills work?
— Woman

Dear Woman,
Despite being small in size, birth control pills pack a punch in preventing pregnancy! This occurs through several mechanisms, mainly by stopping ovulation; when ovaries don't release eggs, sperm can't find and fertilize them to result in a pregnancy. Most birth control pills contain synthetic forms of one or more hormones: estrogen and progestin. These hormones stabilize natural hormone levels and prevent estrogen from peaking in the middle of the menstrual cycle. Without the estrogen bump, the pituitary gland doesn't release other hormones that normally cause the ovaries to release mature eggs. Specifically, synthetic estrogen works to stop the pituitary gland from producing follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH) in order to prevent ovulation. It also supports the uterine lining (endometrium) to prevent breakthrough bleeding mid-cycle. Meanwhile, synthetic progestin works to stop the pituitary gland from producing LH in order to prevent an egg from being released, make the uterine lining inhospitable to a fertilized egg, partially limit the sperm's ability to fertilize the egg, and thicken the cervical mucus to hinder sperm movement (although this effect may not be key to preventing pregnancy). Want to know more? Keep on reading!
There are two kinds of hormonal birth control pills. Different types of pills contain different amounts of progestin and estrogen. The first is called a combination pill, which contains both estrogen and progestin. One added benefit of combination pills is that users experience less breakthrough bleeding. Combination pills can be broken down into two categories, which differ in how frequently users have withdrawal bleeding (which mimics a menstrual period). Conventional pills generally have 21 or 24 active pills and seven or four inactive pills, respectively, creating packs of 28 pills. For continuous dosing or extended cycles pills, the packs can have 84 active pills with seven inactive pills or contain only active pills. With either form of pill, the inactive pills can trigger the withdrawal bleeding, and if the active pills were taken correctly and consistently, pregnancy protection will still exist during this time. If using a formulation with only active pills, the bleeding may stop completely. On top of being separated into conventional and continuous, combination pills are also categorized by hormone dosage. The monophasic active pills contain the same amount of estrogen and progestin during the cycle. However, in multiphasic active pills, the amounts of estrogen and progestin change during the cycle. Of the multiphasic pills, biphasic pills have two different progesterone doses, one of which is increased halfway through the cycle, while triphasic pills gradually increase the dose of estrogen (and in some cases, progesterone) two times during the cycle.

The second kind of hormonal birth control pill is the progestin-only pill (also known as the minipill). The amount of progestin in the minipill is less than in the combined pill. It works by thickening the cervical mucus and thinning the endometrium. Sometimes it will suppress ovulation. The progestin-only pills come in 28 day pill packs. Each day is an active pill and doesn't contain any inactive pills. The progestin-only pills may cause some people to experiencing breakthrough bleeding between periods.
Both combination and progestin-only pills are available in several brands, and each has a slightly different blend of hormones. All birth control pills work most effectively when daily, but the consequences of not taking the pill at the same time every day differ based on pill type. Combination pills need to be taken every day but not necessarily at the same exact time every day. Minipills must be taken at the same time every day within a three hour window. Regardless of the kind, when you forget your pill (or take it three to four hours late or more), this causes a dip in your body's levels of the birth control hormones. To maximize pregnancy prevention potential and to minimize side effects, consider picking a time you're likely to remember – maybe first thing in the morning or right before bed – to take your pills every day. If you're concerned that you have missed a dose, it's wise to consult with a health care provider, as the correct course of action depends on the type and brand of birth control.
As if there aren’t already enough options to consider, hormonal birth control is also available in more than just pill form! The combination formula is available as a patch and a vaginal ring, while the progestin-only formula is available in intramuscular shots, an implant, and in intrauterine devices. Some may prefer these other forms of hormonal birth control because they can be taken less often (and consequently are easier to remember). However, for some people, hormonal birth control may not be an option due to various medical conditions or undesirable side effects. Figuring out what works best for a person may take some trial and error to determine what side effects are manageable and which aren't. Some folks need to try several out over time to find one that is agreeable to them, beyond just being effective.
For more information on how birth control pills work, check out the Go Ask Alice! Sexual and Reproductive Health archives. You can also read more in the Contraception section to learn more about different types of contraceptives. Your health care provider can also offer more information about different kinds of birth control, including which method might be best for your lifestyle and needs.
Take care,

Bled from rough sex — Should I see a doctor?

Dear Rammed,
From your question, it’s not clear whether you’re experiencing vaginal or anal bleeding. While it may be common to bleed after your first time having vaginal sex, subsequent instances may be due to a number of causes. No matter the source of your bleeding, it's best to see a health care provider as they can help diagnose the specific cause and recommend an appropriate treatment and prevention strategies. Beyond getting this checked out, a dose of communication may also be in order.
Anal bleeding often involves tearing in the lining of the rectum. If you’re experiencing anal bleeding, it’s critical to abstain from sex as it can increase the risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and further damage. Vaginal bleeding after sex, on the other hand, may be due to concerns such as:
•Vaginal dryness
•Friction during sex
•Inadequate lubrication during sex or foreplay
•Menstruation
•Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
•Genital sores from sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
•Cervical polyps (benign, noncancerous growths on the cervix)
•Cervicitis (inflammation of the cervix)
•Cervical ectropion (the lining of the cervix protrudes out and grows on the outside of the cervix)
•Cervical or vaginal cancer
List adapted from Mayo Clinic.
This list isn't comprehensive so it’s best to have your health care provider take a look and recommend a treatment plan.

Rammed, it may also be a good idea to reflect on whether you enjoy engaging in this type of sexual activity. Was this something you and your partner both agreed upon? If so, consider steps for reducing the chance of this happening in the future — for instance, you may ask your partner to go slower, communicate clearly if you're experiencing pain, and use lubrication to minimize any uncomfortable friction during sex. It’s also worth noting that if you ever feel discomfort or pain during sex, you have the right to stop your partner. You can say something like, "No, this is too rough;" or, "Stop, you're hurting me!" If this isn’t something you agreed to, it will be good to have a conversation with your partner about the type of activities you’re comfortable with to ensure experiences that are pleasurable to you both. You can say something like, "The last time we had sex, you were a little too rough. It caused bleeding and I had to get it checked out. I don't want that to happen again, so I will let you know when to stop or ease up, okay?" It could also be good to ask your partner if there are other ways to have sex that are pleasurable to you both that don't result in bleeding or are less rough.
Talking with a health care provider to address and treat this bleeding, talking with your partner, and taking steps to prevent this in the future are good ways to get you back to pleasurable action.

Coitus interruptus

Dear Unfulfilled sex,
Kudos to you for coming forward to figure out how to navigate this sometimes uncomfortable situation. Coitus interruptus, sometimes referred to as withdrawal, is often used as a way to prevent pregnancy. However, some may use this method because they find orgasming from masturbation to be more fulfilling. It’s worth noting that withdrawal has a lower effectiveness rate than other forms of contraception because for some people, pre-ejaculate may contain viable sperm that can lead to conception. Additionally, the point of ejaculation may not always be clear or easy to control. As such, it’s recommended that other forms of contraception, such as condoms or other barrier methods be used to protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Regardless of your partner’s reason, it sounds like talking you’re your partner about both of your sexual needs is a good idea. Read on for tips for how you might approach this conversation.
In any relationship, communication is critical for ensuring all partners are on the same page. Not all conversations are easy, but by approaching your partner in a nonjudgmental and open way, it might open up the door to deeper discussions about what you both want sexually or otherwise. Before having this conversation, think about where and when you might broach the subject. It’s probably best to do this at a neutral time when you both aren’t preoccupied with other things and not right before or right after you’ve had sex. You might also choose to have this conversation after you’ve had a chance to process your emotions so you’re able to better able to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

One way to start the conversation is to tell your partner how much you care about him and this relationship. Then you can explain what you’ve been noticing with your sexual interactions. At this point, if you feel comfortable doing so, you can tell him how it makes you feel — that it feels like you’re not getting the full sexual experience when he pulls out early. This might also be a good time to ask him why he pulls out early, whether it’s to prevent pregnancy or whether he finds it more pleasurable. If he says he’s been doing it as a way to prevent pregnancy, consider sharing some other, more effective contraceptive options that will allow you both to finish together. You can read more about different forms of contraceptives in the Contraception category of the Go Ask Alice! Sexual and Reproductive Health archives. If he shares that he finds masturbation more pleasurable because it’s what he’s used to as feeling good, then maybe you can ask him if he’d be willing to try staying in a few times, to see if he discovers any new pleasurable sensations. However you choose to go about this conversation, be yourself and use your own language to express your desires. And, because it takes two to convo — make sure to be present, listen to your partner, and be open to new ideas that prioritize shared pleasure (even beyond orgasms).
Though this conversation may seem intimidating, it can offer an opportunity to understand what's going on and how you can work it out together. If both of you are able to hold this conversation successfully, your pillow talk may turn into some potentially tantalizing play time in the future. Good luck!

Allergic to semen?

Dear Sex Flush,
Sounds like this petting may be getting you all hot and bothered and not necessarily in a pleasant way! You could be right — you may have an allergy to the proteins in your boyfriend's semen, also known as human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity (SPH). Depending on the location of the itching, it's also possible that you may be experiencing symptoms of an infection. Given that there are multiple potential explanations, meeting with a health care provider may help you understand the cause of your irritation.

As for the reason for the redness, it's possible to have an allergic reaction to common proteins found in most people's semen or to have allergies to a specific person's proteins. Reactions to contact with semen may include localized pain, itching, redness and swelling, or systemic responses, such as hives or trouble breathing. Most symptoms typically start within 20 to 30 minutes of contact but may vary per person (sometimes taking as long as a couple of hours) and may last for hours or days. The severity of the reaction depends on your personal body chemistry. Additionally, if it's a semen allergy, people can generally have sex with their partner without symptoms when using a condom.
If you're experiencing redness or itching around the vagina, other potential explanations may include vaginitis, a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, or a sexually transmitted infection (STI), such as chlamydia. You may find it helpful to check in with a health care provider if you believe it may be related to an infection. On the other hand, a semen allergy can be officially determined through skin tests administered by a medical professional. If you do have a semen allergy, treatment options may include using a condom or desensitization. A condom can keep come from contacting your skin during vaginal sex or hand jobs. If the redness from petting isn't causing too much discomfort or irritation, you could just try to minimize your contact with the semen — catching it in a small towel might keep most of it off your skin. Also, there are a couple possible methods that can be used to desensitize a person to semen which can reduce the allergic reaction, or alternatively, an over-the-counter antihistamine may be recommended.
You note that you aren't worried about this right now. However, if you develop more serious reactions or suspect you might have an STI, you may want to seek out some further guidance from a medical professional. Until then, hopefully you can reassure your boyfriend that the redness isn't personal, and more often that not, you're flushing with delight in his presence.

What's rimming?

Dear Reader,
Rimming, also called anilingus or a rim job, refers to making oral-anal sexual contact. While sometimes a precursor to anal sex, rimming is a form of stimulation that may be its own means to an erotic end. Getting down anilingus-style involves penetrating with the tongue, licking, sucking, kissing, or otherwise orally stimulating a partner's anus. Folks of all genders and orientations may find rimming enjoyable due to the high concentration of nerve endings at the anal opening and the many sensations that the mouth, lips, and tongue are capable of producing through oral stimulation. Trust and communication, as with all sexual explorations between consensual partners, are key components to mutually enjoyable rimming.
Sometimes, rimming is seen as taboo, likely due to its perceived association with anal sex and queer men’s sexual practices. There are myths to bust here, as men who have sex with men have reported engaging in a wide range of sexual activities, which may include anal play for some and not others. Regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, partners seem to find pleasure in anal sex and rimming. In fact, heterosexual anal play has been documented for hundreds of years and has been on the rise in recent years.
Like many sex acts, there are some risks that come along with rimming. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are often a concern with unprotected sex play, and rimming is no exception. Hepatitis A or B, gonorrhea, syphilis, and genital warts are all STIs potentially contracted through rimming. That being said, no known documented cases of HIV transmission have ever been connected to rimming. In addition, because the interior of the anus hosts intestinal bacteria, oral-anal contact carries risk for giardia and other intestinal maladies.

In terms of protection, dental dams offer great protection against sexually transmitted infections, and lube may be applied to the side that makes contact with the anus to increase pleasure. Fun fact: condoms can be cut carefully down the middle to become an impromptu dental dam. Another aspect of rimming responsibly is understanding that the vagina and anus operate under very different hygienic house rules. Taking measures to prevent bacteria in the anus from making their way into the vagina, whether via fingers, tongue, penis, or sex toys can help reduce the risk of transmission. Washing up before and after rimming will help prevent unwanted transmission of bacteria and to avoid vaginal infections.
If you’re looking to explore rimming, it's wise to play it safe when it comes to protection and enjoy the cheeky new addition to your sexual repertoire.

This website does not condone any form of Female Genital Mutilation—specifically

Clitoral Unhooding, also referred to as Hoodectomy, is aminor feminine genital surgical procedure to remove excess Prepuce tissue—thesurrounding “hood” that sheaths the clitoral node on threesides. Normally, the Prepuce is anatomically designed to offer the clitorisa degree of protection against undue abrasion—or over stimulation—andnaturally retracts during sexual intercourse, thereby leaving the highlyinnervated surface of the clitoral node—what is commonly referredto as the exterior G-spot—or Glans, to be more exposed . . . resultingin female sexual orgasms. Sometimes however, women with small clitoralnodes or those that have excess Prepuce tissue—both common conditions—findthat they can’t achieve orgasm, or have a harder time reaching climax,because the clitoris is literally covered, or restricted by too much skintissue, thus greatly lessening tactile sensation, and/or even eliminatingit entirely.
In another closely related condition—and as was reportedby researchers at the Boston University School of Medicine—roughly25% of all women treated for sexual dysfunction suffered from what wasmedically termed ClitoralPhimosis, a condition whereby the Prepuce tissue is so closely alignedwith the clitoral node, there is not enough tissue flexibility to allowthe clitoris to naturally move beyond the surrounding skin and protrude,permitting needed stimulation to achieve climax. This condition, alsoaddressed through Hoodectomy, involves the surgical retraction and/orexcising of tissue surrounding the Clitoris.
Sometimes referred to as female clitoral circumcision, the Clitoral Unhooding procedure issomewhat analogous to penile circumcision in men, although male penilecircumcision is still primarily performed from a perspective of genitalhygiene. In women, however, Hoodectomy is done more commonly to allowwomen to experience heightened arousal, by reducing the tissue that formsthe hood (Prepuce) covering the clitoris . . . almost always resultingin greater, faster orgasms. To some extent it has been suspected thatexcessive Prepuce tissue can also result in some hygiene-related issuesas well for women, giving sanctuary to increased bacterial counts, andsometimes resulting in what are commonly termed “yeast” orvaginal infections from the close proximity to the vaginal canal.

Also, it is important to note that Clitoral Unhooding (Hoodectomy)is sometimes mistakenly referred to as Clitoridectomy—another surgicalprocedure to completely remove the clitoral node—a repulsive societal/culturalprocedure and insalubrious form of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). CLITORALUNHOODING IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THIS COMMONLY MISTAKEN PROCEDUREAND IS NOT A FORM OF FGM.
Because of the innervation of the clitoris, (neuron celldensity), there are gynecologists that aren't comfortable performing theClitoral Unhooding procedure. Many times this is due to a lack of surgicalexperience. Some also object to it on societal grounds—in a parallelimplication that a woman’s sexual enjoyment, in or out of a relationship,is somehow considered taboo. But, there are a growing number of well-respectedcosmetic gynecological surgeons and plastic surgeons with urology trainingthat understand the need, and will perform this delicate operation withthe proper training and experience needed to do an outstanding job. Manyof these excellent surgeons are listed on this web site. Most important,when it comes to selecting a surgeon to do your Hoodectomy, experienceis the key.
The reason? The clitoral node has many more nerve endingsthan the surrounding tissue areas—thus if not done correctly, ClitoralUnhooding can result in heightened sensation of the node by normal movements,in some cases creating considerable discomfort. However, for surgeonswho perform the procedure regularly, Clitoral Unhooding can result inan increased stimulus of the clitoral node and the majority of patientswho have reported on their Clitoral Unhooding procedure, most have commentedfavorably, saying they’ve had increased sexual climaxes (orgasms).Surgeons who do Hoodectomy usually have a method of determining the extentof sensitivity of the clitoris before proceeding by testing the area withcold and warm swabs. Patients SHOULD ONLY have this procedure performedby a surgeon who has extensive experience in this area and has performedmany Clitoral Unhoodings.
Dr. Michael Goodman, Davis, California (530) 753-2787. Dr. Goodman has practiced Gynecology,Pelvic Support and Vagino-Vulvar Aesthetic Surgery, Perimenopausal Medicine,Health Enhancement, Sexology and Bone Densiometry in Northern CA since1972; he has been in Davis, CA, since 2000. He is an experienced pelvicand labial surgeon and is Board Certified in Gynecology, an elected memberof the Society of Reproductive Surgeons and is accredited as an AdvancedLaparoscopic Surgeon by the Accreditation Council on Gynecologic Endoscopy.He is a trained and Accredited Clinical Bone Densiometrist and is theonly Certified Menopausal Practitioner and Clinician in his area of NorthernCalifornia.
Dr. Uma Penmetsa, Rochester, New York (585) 473-2846. Dr. Penmetsa is proud to offer women a broad choice of options for many gynecological problems that in the past would have required a major hospitalization. We believe that a positive self image is essential for a women's overall well being. In addition to encouraging a healthy eating habits and regular exercise we offer many services to contribute to a women's self esteem such as massage and incontinence diagnosis and treatment among others.
This site will explain how female genital surgery and Hoodectomycan enhance a woman’s sexual gratification and boost their self-esteem.It will also examine the most common social implications of female genitalsurgery and review these issues in a contemporary, open environment.
In the inner pages, you’ll see a detailed descriptionof the Clitoral Unhooding procedure, recovery time, who is the best candidate,and what risks are involved. Find out about the costs,what is included in the procedure, financing options, and how to facilitatetravel arrangements. You’ll also be able to review our before& after photo galleries and read patient testimonials and detailed Case Studies on post operativepatients who’ve had the procedure performed. You will also finda list of the most important questions to ask any potential surgeon, sothat you may determine if you are a case most suited to a surgical cure. . . regularly, or one that he performs only once or twice a month. Youcan also find out about clinical studies on patient satisfaction, afterhaving a feminine genital refinement surgery performed.

Before you bone in person? Take the pressure off.

No doubt, weeks of virtual f*cking and fantasizing about the in-person sex, can make the IRL sexperience nerve-wracking! "Don't be shy about letting your partner know that you're nervous," says Engle. You might say (or text): 'I can't wait to finally feel you against me, but wow, I'm so nervous!' Or, 'I'm nervous I'm not going to live up to my sexts in person, so if you could be extra verbal that would be really helpful for me.'

And please don't get shit-faced ahead of time, she says. "Getting drunk or high before hopping in bed is just going to exacerbate your nerves and inhibit your sexual responses."


Take comfort in the fact that good sex is all about good communication, according to Wright. Chances are, all the digital getting down you've been doing has likely made you and your partner better at communicating. (After all, according to sexperts, the number one tip for having an orgasm is communicating.)

Orgasmic dysfunction: Everything you need to know

Orgasmic dysfunction is when a person has trouble reaching an orgasm despite sexual arousal and stimulation.
In this article, learn about the causes and symptoms of orgasmic dysfunction and how to treat it.


What is orgasmic dysfunction?
Orgasmic dysfunction is the medical term for difficulty reaching an orgasm despite sexual arousal and stimulation.
Orgasms are the intensely pleasurable feelings of release and involuntary pelvic floor contractions that occur at the height of sexual arousal. Orgasmic dysfunction is also known as anorgasmia.
There are several different types of orgasmic dysfunction, including:
•Primary orgasmic dysfunction, when a person has never had an orgasm.
•Secondary orgasmic dysfunction, when a person has had an orgasm but then has difficulty experiencing one.
•General orgasmic dysfunction, when a person cannot reach orgasm in any situation despite adequate arousal and stimulation.
•Situational orgasmic dysfunction, when a person cannot orgasm in certain situations or with certain kinds of stimulation. This type of orgasmic dysfunction is the most common.
Orgasmic dysfunction can affect both males and females but is more common in females. Researchers estimate that female orgasmic disorder, which is recurrent orgasmic dysfunction, may affect between 11 to 41 percent of women.
The North American Menopause Society report that 5 percent of all women have difficulty achieving orgasm.
Research from 2018 found that 18.4 percent of women could reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. However, the same study indicated another 36.6 percent of women needed clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm during intercourse.
In men, experts often categorize orgasmic dysfunction and delayed ejaculation together.
Available studies suggest that delayed ejaculation is very uncommon in men, with one 2010 overview noting that it was rarely prevalent in more than 3 percent of men, although other estimates have the figure between 5 and 10 percent.
Orgasmic dysfunction can affect the quality of people’s relationships, as well as a person’s self-esteem and mental health.



Symptoms

Orgasmic dysfunction is when someone has difficulty or the inability to reach an orgasm. For some people, reaching a climax can take longer than normal or be unsatisfying.
The way an orgasm feels or how long it takes to have an orgasm can vary widely. When someone has orgasmic dysfunction, climax can take a long time to reach, be unsatisfying, or be unattainable.

Scientists are not sure what causes orgasmic dysfunction, but believe the following factors may contribute to the problem:
•relationship issues
•certain medical conditions, such as diabetes
•a history of gynecological surgeries
•some medications, including antidepressants
•a history of sexual abuse
•religious and cultural beliefs about sex and sexuality
•depression
•anxiety
•stress
•low self-esteem
Also, women over 45 years of age are more likely to have trouble orgasming than women under this age. This may be due to menopause-related hormonal shifts and vaginal changes.
Men are more likely to have trouble orgasming following a radical prostatectomy. They are also more likely to experience delayed ejaculation as they get older, as the ejaculatory function tends to reduce with age.
Once someone experiences difficulty reaching an orgasm, they may experience increased stress in sexual situations. Stress and anxiety during sex can make it even more difficult to reach an orgasm.




Diagnosis

Before diagnosing orgasmic dysfunction, a doctor will likely ask about a person’s symptoms and how long they have existed.
The doctor will also note any factors that could contribute to orgasmic dysfunction, such as underlying health conditions or the medications a person is taking.
A doctor may do a physical examination as well. In some cases, they may refer a person to a sexual medicine specialist or a gynecologist.

10 Beautiful But Not So Famous Hollywood

 
In the Hollywood, it is not just beauty which makes people famous. It’s their acting and pretty much their luck also. There are some celebs who are very famous for no reason but then there are also a few who deserve to be famous but are not. Some just get known for a movie or two, because they are beautiful or act well. People know their faces, but not their names! Though there are thousands of such names but here are 10 of Hollywood actresses who are very beautiful but not famous yet. These are ten Beautiful but not so famous Hollywood actresses.

You might know this actress from the movie ‘In Time’ also starring Justin Timberlake, who everyone surely knows. She is a 28 year old Mexican actress and a fashion model. She also was the seventh runner up of the seventh season of Univision’s Nuestra Belleza Latina. This perfectly beautiful actress couldn’t do quite well at the Hollywood, perhaps she could just stick to modelling at which she is good.

Elisabeth Hower is best known for her roles in Escape room (2010) and her brief role in the TV Series ‘Suits’. She is a charming actress with perfect looks but could not land on roles which could actually make her famous. She is also a writer.

Diora Lynn Baird is better known by the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Wedding Crashers. She is a 36 year old American actress and a former model. She once tweeted that ‘You almost saw me as the Green Girl in Star Trek’… Unfortunately for this actress, it is also mostly about ‘almost’ or ‘maybe’!

Taylor Cole is an American Actress and a former fashion model. She was born and raised in Texas and had a promising high school experience where she proved to be a gifted athlete. She landed on her first role in 2004 in the show, Summerland. After that she has appeared in several roles such as in the TV series CSI Miami and other short-lived TV Shows. She also had guest appearances and has appeared in a couple of music videos as well.

Most people say that she has a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie, I guess that’s true to some extent. When I saw her playing a minor role in the Guardians of the Galaxy, I actually thought it was Angelina Jolie, but it was not! She is beautiful in her own way though. She is also married to a heartthrob Sam Claflin, who has emerged as a superstar in very less time so who needs fame anyway!

Ali Cobrin is an American actress who is best known for her roles in the Tv Series ‘Look’ and a movies like American Reunion and Neighbours. This 30 year old actress is innocent and charming at the same time.

That's what she did...

Source:
Last month, Professor John Michael Bailey, who taught a popular human sexuality course at the school, permitted a guest speaker to get naked and use a sex toy to achieve orgasm in front of about 100 students during an optional after-class demonstration.
The woman, who was more than willing to perform for the audience, was aided by her fiancé, who used a (terrifying) sex toy called a "fucksaw" on her.

Bailey and his guests have defended themselves saying that the class was warned several times about what was going to ensue-- and that peeping the show was purely optional. However, the rest of the world is incensed. Intense media attention on this controversy has helped facilitate a widespread backlash against the the professor's conduct as well as the university.

So much so that Bailey, also a psychologist, issued an apology, sort of, about what happened:
Source:

Those who believe that there was, in fact, a serious problem have had considerable opportunity to explain why: in the numerous media stories on the controversy, or in their various correspondences with me. But they have failed to do so. Saying that the demonstration "crossed the line," "went too far," "was inappropriate," or "was troubling" convey disapproval but do not illuminate reasoning. If I were grading the arguments I have seen against what occurred, most would earn an "F." Offense and anger are not arguments. But I remain open to hearing and reading good arguments.

Clearly, Bailey doesn't sound too thrilled to admit to any wrong doing, which is why his apology reads more like forced lip service in a vain attempt to appease an angry mob with torches and pitchforks (but apparently, no dildos) than a tearful repentance of his transgressions.
You know what? I don't blame him.


Bailey may be unconventional, but he is absolutely right.
If it looks like a duck... and quacks like a duck
All of these students are at least 18 years old. In this country, 18 means adulthood and all of its perks. If we can vote, suffer the agony of jury duty and be privy to girl-on-girl-on-cup porn, we should also be treated and trusted as adults, meaning we don't need our parents and older concerned adults still making decisions for us, especially when it's about our education.

In a recent blog post on CafeMom, Kim Conte writes that she was "creeped out" by the incident, but fully admits: "They're adults. New experiences are a big part of what sex is all about." Conte has her opinion, but she recognizes that her personal preference is nobody's but her own. Unfortunately, if you're an adult-- it doesn't matter how stupid or immature you are-- you still get the benefits of being one. And in America, it means that you have the power of consent (which these kinds exercised).
Sex trumps all news

In his half-assed apology, Bailey continues:

"During a time of financial crisis, war, and global warming, this story has been a top news story for more than two days. That this is so reveals a stark difference of opinion between people like me, who see absolutely no harm in what happened, and those who believe that it was profoundly wrong."
Source:
Something tells me, in the big scheme of things, these latter two events might make more of a global impact that one little orgasm ever will. Don't you think? Yet, according to Google, more than 1200 articles were written about this story in less than a week.
The American media have always been sex-obsessed. We salivate with morbid delight when we read headlines with words, such as: "rape, lewd sex act, Paris Hilton," regardless of the story's content. Why should it be any different this time?

No harm, no foul
What exactly did Bailey do that was so harmful?
Was it that the professor corrupted the chastity of his students' virginal minds?
Is the class scarred for life now that they've seen a woman come to orgasm (which frankly, I think is a welcome lesson for many)?
Are men angry because they now know that women, too, can climax?
Source:
What happened was "uncomfortable" and "inappropriate." Yes, Okay. So what? We experience uncomfortable and inappropriate things all the time. Tampons and farting in public would both fit in this category, but no one is doing anything about them.
Not everything is by the book
Shall we go through a list of history's great unorthodox lesson plans?

Remember professor and psychologist-Philip Zimbardo, of the famed Stanford Prison Experiment? In 1971, 24 student volunteers were divided into prisoners and guards in a mock prison to help students understand the psychology of incarcerated life. After only six days, the students turned all "Lord of the Flies"on each other, and the experiment was shut down. In this scenario, however, students were actually harmed.

Zimbardo was embroiled in controversy, obviously. But today, his social science project is regarded as one of the most widely referenced and studied experiments in psychology.
A few decades later, college English teacher Richard Wimmer seemed to have seized the daily lesson plans of eccentric teacher, John Keating from "Dead Poets Society."

Wimmer's unconventional educational approach consisted of asking students to write essays describing very personal subject matter, such as taking showers or having the dreaded "birds and bees talk" with their parents.
Source:
And, in 2010, President Obama awarded South Florida science teacher Allan Phipps for his uconventional lesson plans. His environmental science projects range from conducting cake excavations to auditing students' home energy bills and building solar powered vehicles for racing competitions.
The point here is that there are different methods of teaching. Just because something makes us "uncomfortable," it doesn't mean we can't learn from it.

If we had continued to learn everything the same exact way, we wouldn't have blogs, the Internet, or even America, for that matter.
Follow me on Twitter: ThisJenKim

Stop Spectatoring: Mindfulness to Enhance Sexual Pleasure

What is spectator sex? It isn’t watching erotic or pornographic images of other people having sex. According to sex research giants Masters and Johnson who coined the term “spectatoring,” it is watching yourself have sex, accompanied by an anxious, internal, self-conscious dialogue. The internal chatter can include worries about one’s body (“I wonder if he thinks I look fat”) or about one’s sexual performance (“He must be bored, I’m taking too long to come”; “Does he like the way I am touching him?”). During spectator sex, a person is intently monitoring their partner and themselves.

Not surprisingly, research shows that women who engage in spectator sex are less satisfied. They have fewer real orgasms and more fake orgasms than women who have less internal chatter. This isn’t surprising, given that it’s hard to be orgasmic while holding your stomach in and worrying about what your partner thinks about your body. Thinking you “should” have an orgasm (see my prior post on this topic) can lead you to pretend to have an orgasm—something that more than half of women do, as explained in another prior post.

So, what’s the solution? The answer lies in the definition of spectatoring given by the researchers who found what women already know from experience and that is, that watching yourself anxiously during sex is not very erotic. These researchers said that spectatoring is “an intense self-focus during sexual interactions—rather than an immersion in the sensory aspects of a sexual experience.” The “rather than” holds the key: A complete immersion in feelings and sensations is the solution for ending spectator sex.

Giving one’s complete attention to what is happening in the moment is called “mindfulness.” Mindfulness has garnered attention among psychologists in recent years, although it has been part of Buddhist teachings for centuries. Recently, psychologists have found that mindfulness decreases anxiety and depression minimizes, the experience of pain, and even enhances academic performance. Researcher Lori Brotto reports that teaching women mindfulness increases their sexual arousal and sexual desire.

In A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex (also proven effective in research for enhancing desire, arousal, and satisfaction), I recommend mindfulness as a remedy for waning desire. I tell readers that mindfulness is akin to riding a roller coaster. If you have ever been on a roller coaster—and whether you liked the experience or not—it’s likely you were thinking of nothing else but what was occurring that very moment. You were too immersed in flying downhill to think about the pile of work left at home or in the office. In daily life, however, thoughts about one thing occur in the middle of doing other things. An e-mail you have to respond to pops into your head in the middle of making love with your husband. During spectator sex, thoughts about if you are looking right or performing adequately distract you from enjoying yourself.


In mindfulness practice, such distracting thoughts are noticed and observed and then released without judgment. When practicing mindfulness, the key is to focus one’s totality on what is happening in the present moment. We can be mindful during any activity. Washing the dishes, for example, can be a meditative, present moment if you completely immerse yourself in the feel of warm, sudsy water on your hands. Eating mindfully can enhance the pleasure of a meal. A state of total immersion and present-focus can be invoked during vacuuming, showering, or talking with a friend.

To put an end to spectator sex—and other distracting thoughts during sex—practice mindfulness. Practice throughout the day. The more practiced you are at achieving an in-the-moment state during daily activities, the easier it will be for you to achieve this same state during sex.
The next time you have sex, have mindful sex. Allow yourself to indulge fully and completely in the physical sensations of the moment. If distracting thoughts occur, take a deep breath and let them float by without judgment. Allow your breaths to lead you fully back to your body’s pleasurable physical reactions. Focus on being completely immersed in the sexual sensations.

It is no coincidence that the phrase “mind-blowing” is often associated with sex. To reach mind-blowing sex, you have to engage in mindful sex. To have sensational sex, you have to focus on the sensations and not on how you are doing or looking. Mind-blowing sex means that your mind is not working; only your body is reacting. Busy brains are not for the bedroom.

The next time you put out the “do not disturb” sign, make sure it is your own self you aren’t disturbing with distracting thoughts.
For more resources on mindfulness, see the works of Jon Kabbat-Zinn.

Discovering Your True Sexual Nature Takes Guts, Time and Practice

One of the more challenging things for many people when it comes to sex is to find what really turns them on after having removed all of their shame and judgment. The next big step is to then state their desires out loud to themselves and to their intimate partners. It is easier said than done, because it requires time, patience and dedication.

Recently, one of my sex coaching clients Vicky, started our session by exclaiming “Holy shit. I think it's actually revolutionary what I'm doing. I am practicing being sexual. I can now actually use the word “sex” without feeling self-conscious or guilty. I am finding my sexual voice. And damn, it does take practice!”

Vicky has been practicing what is often referred to as “Orgasmic Yoga” which, in reality, is not about yoga or orgasms! It's really just another name for developing a core erotic practice.
She has been on a 30 day practice schedule of working solo with her own body; exploring it on a physical and emotional level. Orgasmic Yoga is a pleasurable, intimate and transformative discipline that is practiced while sexually aroused. The goal is to develop or reclaim erotic capacities. Some individuals practice it to reawaken the awesome feelings in their body., others to discover it for the first time.

Taking the time to participate in a mindful, planned solo erotic practice allows the individual to focus on what is substantial in their sexuality rather than what is superficial.
Vicky has also been working to identify her peak erotic experiences in order to understand what gives her authentic sexual pleasure. The desired result is to giver herselft the ability to better communicate her sexual needs to herself and to her partner. This takes guts, and it takes time. It can feel like a radical step to actually practice being sexual. But Vicky, like the countless women and men that I work with, have decided they really want to own their own sexuality; that it's their time.

From Vicky:
“I attended a music workshop recently where we explored the idea of stepping out and dipping our toes into fear. This was about trying on new ways to use our voices, and about performing. It was all new to me, for I am not a performer at all, and while I sing in a community choir, I sing very quietly. I enjoy learning and I feel safe as long as I am surrounded by a group of stronger singers. I imagined the choir as my comfort zone, where I could participate without having to step out into the fear of performing solo.

"But this is not really a comfort zone at all, as I learned during the workshop. My comfort zone is what I know and explore about my own voice. What can it do? What is its range? Where is the heart of the music I love? The only way to discover it is through practice. And more practice. The comfort zone is here, in my own voice. And once I know my own voice, then I can step out into the unknown, fearful places where I can challenge myself to change and expand and share my voice with others.

"It was in choir that I made the connection between our sex coaching and choir.
"I had always thought that my sexual comfort zone was a very confined space, where I would not be challenged, where my partner would be 'fine' with the status quo of our intimate life. I thought the best I could ever hope for was to somehow get better at it, so I could please him better. I thought I wanted the comprehensive 'how-to' manual, but even if there was such a thing, I was too embarrassed and shy to look at it.

"But that's not the comfort zone, is it? What I am learning is that it starts with me. I get to discover my own self as a sexual being, finally, in my mid-fifties! I have to learn to name what my own heart and mind and body want. I need to discover for the first time how sex works for me. I need to come to my senses. It's a bit of a paradox. It's scary to be discovering my own comfort zone. And if this is scary, what will it be like to step out of it?”

A Beginners Guide to Orgasmic Yoga Practice:
From Joseph Kramer, Ph.D, Founder of Orgasmic Yoga: “At it's core Orgasmic Yoga invites embodied, mindful self-accountability. The self-directed practice sessions involve breathing, savoring, sound, movement, touch, placement of attention, and awareness of intention.

"Erotic practice sessions weave together the heart and genitals. This alone is a profound reason to commit to practice. Orgasmic Yoga often produces a state of arousal that is free of fantasy, unfinished emotional business, religious dogma, cultural caveats and habitual sexual behaviors. In this erotic trance state, an individual becomes aware of the body as a source of wisdom, happiness and freedom. Thus, the intent of Orgasmic Yoga practice is the practice”.

Every Orgasmic Yoga session includes the following:
1.A statement of intention(s) at the beginning.
2.A clear beginning and ending time.
3.A session structure, outline or choreography.
4.One or more minutes of Kegels.
5.Conscious breathing patterns.
6.Movement, stretching, and/or dancing.
7.Sounds, moans and laughter.
8.Quiet for the last five minutes of each session.
9.Reflection and note-taking after each session.
10.Full body self touch including genitals

Optional:
1.Use of toys or vibrators
2.Specially Chosen Music
“An integral part of Orgasmic Yoga is to savor and reflect upon the experience after you have completed each day’s practice. It is crucial that you rest quietly for at least five minutes at the end of your session, to simply be and breathe. We suggest that you then reflect on your experience in a journal or with a friend or lover” says Joseph Kramer .

Clearing the space in your life to learn your own sexual voice  can change how you understand, express and enjoy your sexualty. It can also enliven your sexual expression  with your loved ones. It's one of the gifts that you can give yourself.
What To Do After Readng This Article:
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Sexual Communication: The Bedrock to Make Your Bed Rock

Every fall semester, I stand at the podium with over 150 college students staring at me and introduce myself and the course content for The Psychology of Human Sexuality. I tell my students that one of my qualifications for teaching this course is that I’ve been having orgasms longer than they’ve been alive. Amidst my students’ surprised laughter, I continue on, using words like “penis” and “clitoris” matter-of-factly, as if introducing content for a math class and telling students they need to purchase a calculator.

What I’m actually doing is laying the groundwork for the simple but often ignored solution to sexual problems: the ability to talk about sexuality. This ability is absolutely essential when it comes to (no pun intended) closing the orgasm gap (the finding that women are having way fewer orgasms than men). Research shows that among women who tell their partners how they like to be touched, the vast majority have orgasms.

Conversely, when women fake orgasms (which research shows about 70 percent of women do), they are training partners to do precisely what doesn't work for them. Most women fake orgasms during intercourse, based on the false belief this is how they "should" orgasm.
Yet, one recent study found that only about 18 percent of women orgasm from penile thrusting alone. In polls I've conducted with over 500 of my students (and detail in my recent book), even fewer (about 5 percent) say that thrusting alone is their "most reliable route to orgasm." The other 95 percent say their most reliable route involves clitoral stimulation, either alone (e.g., oral sex) or coupled with intercourse (e.g., using a vibrator during intercourse).

If you're one of the 95 percent, below you'll find some tips for communicating with your partner about the clitoral stimulation you need, both in and outside of the bedroom. I've also included some pep-talks along the way, especially for those showing new partner's what they want, as many women report feeling especially awkward about this.

During a sexual encounter you can:
•Let your fingers do the talking: Stated simply, you can put your partner's hand in the right place, guiding it with yours. Indeed, whether it's the first or the fiftieth time, you can guide your partner's hands to touch you the way you like. As the authors of the awesome website OMGYes say, "It's impossible to already 'know the moves' with a new partner or with the same partner on a different day." What every woman needs to orgasm is a bit different and what one woman needs can change from one encounter to another. Thus, unless you provide guidance on the type of stimulation you need, you aren't likely to get it.
•Offer brief instructions: You can use words to convey your sexual desires, such as to touch here or there, harder or lighter. “More,” “faster,” “slower,” and “harder” are words that can be quickly and efficiently used. Of course, such simple instructions can result in miscommunication. You could say “faster” and your partner could think this means “harder.” So, it’s important to be willing to continue to give ongoing instructions. And, then, when a partner hits it just right, you can give positive feedback, saying for example, “That feels great, “Yeah. Just like that,” or “Oooh. Keep doing that.” If giving such instructions sounds awkward or uncomfortable, you aren't alone. Women commonly worry that telling male partners (especially first-time partners) how to touch them will be perceived as pushy. However, just the opposite may be true. In one study, men said they’re turned on by women’s requests for clitoral stimulation. The men in my class say that they feel relieved when a woman gives them instructions for clitoral stimulation. They also say that they genuinely want to give women pleasure, but are often at a loss for just how to do so. And, again, the fact that every woman needs something slightly different to reach orgasm makes it even more important to tell a new partner what you like. Even if the relationship doesn’t go past one night, at least it will have been a good one!
•Combine these skills: These sexual communication skills are best when combined. For example, couple your words (“faster”) with your hand coaching (put your hand on top of your partner’s and demonstrate what fast means). Once your hand is removed, if they have it right, use words or moans and other sex sounds to give positive feedback.

When not having a sexual encounter you can:
•Have a "kitchen-table" sex talk: These are the talks that partners have about sex when they aren’t having it. Of course, these talks don’t literally have to be held at the kitchen table; they can occur in any non-sexual venue. They can be general, positive discussions of things you want to try to make good sex even better. Or, they can be used to solve problems. In fact, it’s best not to bring up sexual dissatisfaction or any other difficult topic in bed; the danger is creating a negative association to a place that you want to be exciting and positive. No matter where you have such talks (e.g., on a walk, in the car, at the actual kitchen table), when having problem-solving sex talks, the key is to use the good general communication skills, such as "I statements" rather than accusatory "you statements." Say, for example, “I think it would help me get turned on if..." rather than “You don’t know how to turn me on.”
•Show, not tell: If you want to teach your partner exactly how to stimulate your clitoris something that works wonders is to masturbate while your partner observes. While this idea initially sounds embarrassing for many people, those who’ve tried it mostly give it rave reviews. As stated by a man in the book, I Love Female Orgasm, "I’ve watched my partner masturbate—it was very helpful to me… Really watching her do it was a turn-on as well as an educational experience. And after watching, I could imitate the things she did to herself." Of course, if this feels too out there for you, another option is to:
•Take them to the movies: You can watch a realistic (aka, not porn) female masturbation video together. In fact, I’d suggest the many videos at OMGYes. One of my clients and her husband watched several of the videos together and she said that “Even after four years together, we both learned new things. I found new ways to touch myself and he seemed to truly get the hang of how to touch my clit.” Continuing on, she said, “I mean, he’s always been a really great lover. But, now, Oh My God! Yes!” she laughed. No doubt, taking your partner to the movies—specifically the movies about clitoral stimulation—provides entertainment that lasts well beyond the show!
•Take them to the library. Give your partner something to read. I recently recommended that a student of mine and her female partner read the lesbian sex passages from The Hite Report together—and she reported that doing so really helped them both get more comfortable talking more directly about the specific type of clitoral stimulation they each wanted. One of my other clients recently came to a therapy session very happy, reporting that her boyfriend was reading and trying out the instructions from Ian Kerner’s how-to oral sex manual (She Comes First). My own book, Becoming Cliterate, has a chapter specifically designed to teach male readers all about the power of the clitoris for the female orgasm.
In sum, the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This is a fact we need to start talking about, both generally and with our partners in specific, be that a new or a long-term partner. When my students tell me that they'd find it awkward to talk about sex, I semi-jokingly ask them if it's more awkward than having bad or unsatisfying sex. Or, I quote the opening line of the communication chapter in Becoming Cliterate, taken from blogger Corey Silverberg: "Communication isn't always about talking, but I can promise you that one of the keys to great sex is an ability to talk about it. I can also promise that it's easier to learn to talk about sex than it is to learn to read minds." 

This post was adapted from the communication chapter from Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It.