While a good number of us admit to getting down and talking dirty, there are just as many of us who have yet to give it a go. Verbal and nonverbal communication during sex is linked to higher sexual satisfaction, so why are we so apprehensive about it? Sexual communication is a skill and, unfortunately, most of us are not well-versed in that skill. If you're looking to try something new in the bedroom, here are the dos and don'ts of talking dirty.
DO exude confidence. Dirty talk is more about attitude than what you’re actually saying. Nail down your tone and you can make something as trivial as "Hand me that potato, baby" sound sexy.
DON’T worry if it sounds cheesy. It's universally known that all dirty talk is pretty cheesy. Just toss out a long list of things that sound sexy and see what works for your partner. It might take some practice, but when it works, it works.
DO update your partner on your arousal. Let him or her know how good whatever it is they’re doing feels, and offer updates on the status of your orgasm. It’s often difficult for someone to ask their partner what’s going on inside their body, so help them out by just telling them.
DON’T feel pressured to say things you’re uncomfortable saying. Dirty talk is a misnomer because you don’t have to be crude to get your partner off, if that’s not your thing.
DO master the art of one-worded dirty talk. Saying things like "yes," "faster," "harder" or "more" are the verbal equivalent of a moan. These mini-directions let your partner know what's working for you.
DON’T focus too much on his size. Instead, talk about how firm his erection is. People respond well to hearing how aroused their genitals are—i.e. “You’re so wet!”
DO let your moans and gasps do the talking. If you're shy and don't know where to begin, just getting a bit louder in the bedroom can be a good starting point. Moaning is the most natural dirty talk!
DON’T use derogatory words. Shy away from this behavior unless your partner states otherwise, of course. A lot of women don't like being called a slut or being called dirty. That kind of language can be extremely jarring and have negative connotations, which can absolutely be a mood killer (if not a relationship killer, too).
DO compliment your partner. Pause just to tell them how sexy they look! Everyone loves a good stroke... and that includes a good ego stroke, too.
DON’T tell them to be quiet. It takes a lot of courage to communicate openly during sex. Don't "shh" your partner or get annoyed with them for trying to open themselves up to you.
DO consider timing. Timing is everything! It can be extremely sexy to dirty talk in public. The next time you're on at the mall together, surrounded by shoppers, whisper something ultra-sensuous in his ear. He will flip!
DON’T be demeaning. While open communication is great, don't be an asshole. Don't tell your partner they are doing something wrong. Instead, offer something like, "I loved it when you licked me like that!"
DO say their name. Sex is about connecting with another person. By saying your partner's name, it shows you are present and in the moment.
DON’T get technical. Even adults get uncomfortable hearing the words "penis" and "vagina." Save the technical terms for your doctor.
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