5-Minute Sex Prep Guide

She’s ready, but are you? When you are getting romantic, your main objective is to leave an impression and to get her to come back for more. A sure way to achieve the opposite, and send her running for the door, is to make the embarrassing mistake of introducing her to your bad odor and poor grooming habits. You can avoid this perilous error by utilizing five precious minutes to freshen up before getting close to her. Those 300 seconds might not be enough time for a shower, but it is certainly enough time to make you presentable. The overall result will leave a positive impression on her and open the door for future encounters. Here’s your game plan:

from head to toe

I will be covering the areas that she’ll likely visit while she’s exploring. Where will she go? She’ll go low, she'll go high and she’ll go behind, but what will she likely find? After you read this article, it is hoped that she’ll find nothing too offensive and will enjoy an evening between your sheets.

Your mouth

The mouth is an integral instrument for those luxurious make-out sessions that leave her hungry for more. It will be extremely difficult for you to draw her in for a passionate embrace if your mouth smells like a dump. You will need to follow proper oral hygiene if you don’t want her to turn from your lips or refuse your attempts to kiss her. Good oral hygiene assumes that you brush and floss your teeth and employ a tongue scraper at least twice daily. In the five minutes before your appointment, make sure to give your chops a quick brush and don’t forget to rinse your mouth with water — you don’t want her to grimace at the harsh, minty overtones.

Your hands

The dexterity of mankind’s hands is one of the factors that have contributed to the advancement of the human race. Also, hands are necessary in foreplay and they are great for smooth, warm and intoxicating caresses. No woman wants to be scraped by your rough and unkempt hands when she wants a gradual escalation of delicious and erotic tension. This tension is easily broken with a scratch and snag here and there.

Believe it or not, but jagged fingers and nails will catch on a woman’s most delicate parts and invite irritation and dissatisfaction. To prevent her displeasure you need to keep your nails neatly trimmed — a regular manicure will keep you in lover-ready shape. If you missed your last manicure appointment make use of your handy nail file and clippers and file away those rough spots, clip those hangnails and let your hands roam free. She’ll definitely appreciate your grooming habits.

Your groin

To put it bluntly, wash and be clean. Guys are the first to state when a woman isn’t too fresh down there, but often fail to realize that they too can be just as unpleasant. This body part is a major barometer for a woman — through sight and smell she can anticipate taste. If your nether regions smell "off," you’re out of luck. Since you don’t have time to hop in the shower, grab a warm, damp washcloth and lightly soap up your groin. Finally, rinse the soap away and dry off.

Your behind

You might be with an adventurous woman who wants to go exploring tonight. Her adventures will end abruptly if you’re less than ready for her probing interests. Tonight the washcloth is your time-limited friend. Again, use the warm, soapy water method, rinse clean and dry off. If you only have access to one washcloth and need to use the same one to wash your groin and derriere, you may want to think about the order of things. Hint: Wash your front-side first and your rear last.

Your feet

Dirty feet are not conducive for intertwined limbs, playing footsie, kissing or any other foot loving activity. Your sense of smell is a great indicator: If your feet remotely offend you, they’ll repulse her. Save yourself from possible embarrassment and wash them off in the tub or sink with a washcloth. If you’re uncertain about the possible repellent nature of your feet, be safe and give them a quick scrub. In addition to washing, consider filing and clipping your toenails as well.

clean lovin' machine

Here’s a good rule of thumb or rather, finger: If your finger can fit inside it, make sure it’s clean. This includes the eyes, nose, ears, belly button, and behind. Whatever you want her to touch, fondle, taste or kiss should be free from any possible deterrents. This will give her a good time to remember instead of an experience she’d rather forget.