Just say no.
I don't have many rules in my life. I think things are usually too complicated to be that much of an absolutist about anything.
After all, in the dark all cats are gray.
That said, I do have one rule that I live by: I never fake an orgasm, and I never laugh when something isn't funny.
Faking an orgasm (like laughing at a shitty joke) is like rewarding a dog when it craps on the carpet: It doesn't make any sense and it is reinforcing bad behavior.
But that's not the only reason you shouldn't ever fake an orgasm. While sex isn't exclusively about having an orgasm, they FEEL good and you are entitled to have as many as you'd like!
In the interest of promoting fewer faked orgasms, I've compiled a list of 5 things that happen when you fake an orgasm.
1. You make sex bad for your fellow women.
You might think nothing bad can come of you feigning a few "oohs and ahhs" when you realize that you're not just going to spontaneously orgasm, but here's the thing: When you fake an orgasm? Yeah, you basically are training all men everywhere to expect that all they have to do is thrust their hips a couple of times and every woman everywhere will have a crazy intense orgasm.
We ALL know that the women who can orgasm from like, a gentle breeze, are rare bears indeed. If you pretend that you are one of them you are reinforcing the false notion that women orgasm as easily as men and without anything other than penis-in-vagina penetration. Don't be that jerk, yo.
2. You're lying.
You know what a lie is? A lie is when you deliberately say or do something untrue. Pretending you have had an orgasm when you have not had an orgasm? That is a lie. You aren't just lying to yourself, you're also lying to your partner, and like, that's not bueno, not bueno at all.
Trust is the least sexy but most integral building block upon which relationships are built. If you are lying to your boyfriend or husband about your experience with orgasms, it might seem small, but it's still a lie. Plus it's a lie about your own sexual pleasure. NOBODY WINS.
3. You're saying your needs don't matter.
Women of the world, hear me now: you have EVERY RIGHT IN THE WORLD to have a great orgasmic experience. You do not need to lie about having an orgasm ever. If you are faking an orgasm it could mean any number of things (you're drunk, you're tried, you're stressed, he's not doing it right) but what it doesn't mean is that you are making the right choice for your continued happiness in the bedroom.
You have a right to receive pleasure. Do not cut yourself off.
4. Your sex life will never get better.
If you fake having orgasms you and your lovers are never going to have any room to grow. Faking an orgasm gives your dude the permission to keep doing exactly what he's doing when you have sex. You know, the stuff that is NOT actually making you cum.
If you tell a dude what is working for you sexually and what is not, you will have better sex. Period. End of sentence. But if he thinks everything is perfect, why would he ever want to improve perfection?
5. You're missing out on health benefits.
When you have an orgasm your body release oxytocin, a powerful hormone with all sorts of amazing benefits. I dig it because oxytocin fights anxiety and depression by cutting your cortisol levels. It also helps you chill the fuck out. Yup, oxytocin helps you sleep, and who doesn't love good sleep? It can also lower your blood pressure and make you feel more social. In other words, oh my god just do the work and have a real orgasm, okay?
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