Thinking Off: A Hands-Free Orgasm?

VIKAVALTER/ISTOCK

We can certainly think ourselves out of orgasm ("I wonder if my boss is still pissed off at me? Did I forget to shut my work computer off? Why is the cat watching us? Gahhhh!"), but can we Criss-Angel-Mindfreak ourselves into it? Barbara Carrellas, a 59-year-old New York-based sex coach, says we can.

Carrellas insists that the right combination of Kegels and breathing can bring on a hands-free orgasm, or what she calls "thinking off." While there haven't been any studies that verify Carrellas' technique, certain breathing techniques have been linked with orgasm. Salon writer Tracy Clark-Flory gave "thinking off" a shot, and did report having a "deeply in-body" experience.

However, this may have been due to hyperventilation — part of "thinking off" — which slows down activity in the brain's frontal cortex and creates an altered state of consciousness that is similar to deep meditation.

In conclusion: Conventional orgasm? No. Feeling like everything is chill because you've deprived your brain of oxygen? Yes. I'll stick to Redtube, kthx.

Single Sex

Separated and questioned the next morning, two singles gave us all the details of their one-night stand

11:30 P.M.

James, 25, investment banker: My friend Darrin called, and we decided to go to the 40/40 club.

Lisa, 26, teacher: Wanting to party like I did in grad school, I drank four Red Bull and vodkas with my friend Rachel.

1:20 A.M. 

James: Lisa walked into the club, and I noticed her immediately. She looked at me with those "come get me" eyes.

Lisa: When we got to the club, we went straight to the bar.

1:30 A.M. 

James: I went to the restroom and walked right past Lisa. I said hi to her, and we started dancing.

Lisa: I don't really remember meeting James, but I danced a lot with Rachel and a few other dudes.

2:15 A.M.

James: Lisa started kissing me.

Lisa: I started getting really hungry.

2:20 A.M. 

James: We left to go eat.

Lisa: This is when I first really noticed James. I thought he was cute.

6:30 A.M. 

James: After the restaurant, we went to my place. Lisa lay down, and I asked her if she was sleepy. She said, "No, I'm waiting for you."

Lisa: We went to James's room, and he started taking his clothes off. He had an awesome body.

6:45 A.M. 

James: We were making out, and then she went down on me -- it was only about a minute, but it was great.

Lisa: I was feeling really lazy because I was drunk. I went down on him, but I wasn't really into it.

6:55 A.M. 

James: I almost went down on her, but I got the vibe she didn't want me to.

Lisa: He was kissing my back and I wanted him to go down on me, but then he tried to, um...lick my no-touch zone. I freaked out and flipped over.

7:00 A.M. 

James: I got a condom, and we started having sex doggie-style, my favorite.

Lisa: He has a mirror right above his headboard. He kept staring at it -- he was really obsessed with himself.

7:15 A.M. 

James: I usually dominate in the bedroom, but Lisa started riding me and was really good at it.

Lisa: I did my froggie trick -- where I'm on top and I place my feet on either side of him and bounce up and down.

7:20 A.M. 

James: We both climaxed.

Lisa: He came. I didn't.

10:15 A.M.

James: When we woke up and started talking, I realized that she hadn't said my name in a while.

Lisa: He kissed me and then said, "Do you know my name?" I didn't.

10:20 A.M. 

James: She squirmed for a few minutes and said, "Will."

Lisa: I tried to stall, hoping my memory would kick in.

10:25 A.M.

James: I told her I was going to punish her for not knowing.

Lisa: He started spanking me, and I knew he wanted to have sex again.

10:30 A.M. 

James: We had sex, and it was awesome. She kept screaming my name to make up for not knowing it.

Lisa: Sex wasn't great; he kept saying, "What's my name?!"

11:30 A.M. 

James: I'd like to see her again.

Lisa: I'm not going to call him. He's kind of full of himself.

8 Things No One Tells You About Masturbating

FOX

1. There is no way that you can masturbate so much that you will never be able to enjoy sex with a live human person. I guess there's the idea you'll get so good at getting yourself off that no one else can ever match it, but someone else touching you is always better than you touching you. It just is. 

2. It's not some weird thing that only creepy perverts do in alleys while wearing dirty nightgowns. Your librarian masturbates (probably among the stacks), your doctor masturbates (hopefully nowhere nearby), and all your friends masturbate (possibly while texting you weird GIFs because multitasking is important in today's modern world). They just do. 

3. If you can't make yourself come by masturbating, that doesn't mean you are doomed for life. Plus how the eff are you supposed to figure out how to do it when we're all basically told this next one's true…

4. No, you're not supposed to use your fingers as a mini penis ramming into your vagina. Most women can't even come by penetration only from a regular-size penis, let alone this 3-inch dick finger, so yeah, that's a road to nowhere. 

5. It still totally counts as masturbating if you're just playing with your vulva for hours while watching TV sans orgasm-fest. If you're touching yourself and enjoying it, it doesn't matter that you didn't have eight explosive orgasms. Honestly, I've had orgasms via masturbating before and I didn't enjoy the masturbation part of it that much (I guess my heart wasn't in it) so don't let that be the defining thing that makes it "count."

6. Masturbating even though you have a boyfriend doesn't make you a cheating skank. First of all, skanks are not a thing, and second of all, everyone masturbates (see no. 2). Even if you love the person you're dating and they always get you off, blah, blah, blah, they're still masturbating and you can be too. If you need to work them into the equation, go for it. But if you need to keep thinking about Chris Pine for your own reasons (like reasons 1 through 12: Chris Pine), that's chill too. 

7. Using sex toys doesn't make you bad at doing it yourself. Just because you can't get off unless you're using sex toys doesn't mean you're the world's worst masturbator. Plus, real talk: Sex toys will almost always trump hands. They just will. Especially when it's midnight and you're really tired and you don't feel like doing multitasking circus tricks, but still want to get off super quickly so you can go to sleep already. That said…

8. You can still masturbate even if you don't have some top-of-the-line, Triple G-Spot Orgasm Monster Sex Toy From Outer Space 3000. Spend a day figuring out what works with your hands, the world's free-est sex toy ever. (Though it is not dishwasher-safe, you guys. I've tried.)

I'm Obsessed With My Sex Toys

When I was a teenager, I decided I was not going to have a typical "first time." I wanted to make sure that I didn't confuse lust with love, that I didn't add more importance to the sex than sex, and that I ensured my first time was about having a good time, pain-free. So I went out and I bought a dildo.

It was one of the rabbit-style standards. Purple, 8 inches long, 1.25 inches in diameter, with a vibrating, rabbit-eared bullet affixed to the base. It took me a slow, solid several months of experimentation, but when I had my first orgasm, it was with my old, sturdy dildo.

Or, I should say, my first dildo.

When I did have sex for the first time, I knew I wasn't in love with the guy, but I was ready. I knew what I liked, how my body responded to what kind of stimuli, and we had a fun few months before I moved on to greener pastures.

And by greener pastures, I mean better sex toys.

For me, they've never been exactly about replacing another person, but they can very much be about enhancing the experience. There's a huge thrill to sitting down with your partner, opening up the Exxxtreme Restraints or Lovehoney website, and going through hundreds and hundreds of items, talking over whether or not you'd be interested in trying, what it might lead to, what other accouterments you might need to complete a fantasy.

Before I knew it, I didn't have so much a drawer full of sex toys as I did a steamer trunk. Ropes, handcuffs, strap-ons, butt plugs, anal beads, vibrators, nipple clamps, cock rings, ball gags, pillow gags, O gags, hoods, spreader bars, floggers, Fleshlights, paddles, riding crops, cock sheaths, Ben Wa balls, snake bite kits, bondage tape, bits, and bridles…

And dildos. Dildos that gyrate, that vibrate, that self-thrust; attached to gags and holsters and kneepads and suction cups. Short ones, skinny ones, massive ones; dildos that look like gophers and statues and dinosaurs.

Vibrators disguised as rubber duckies and lipstick and dolls and pieces d'art.

Some of them are lemons. Sometimes, you look at your partner and think, Oh, hell yes, let's try THAT, and then after you try, you find out it really wasn't your cup of tea. But maybe you'll try again someday.

With sex toys, I learn more about myself and my body, what I like and what I don't. Sex is very much trial by error — you just don't know what feels good until you try it and see how it feels to you.

Once upon a time, I talked a lot about my sex toys. I compared notes with friends, we recommended brands or styles to each other, we went to sex toy stores together and giggled and bought vibrators and then went out for drinks and went home alone and happy.

Now that I'm married, there's less of that. My sex life isn't just my sex life, and what my husband and I do is what we both like. But it's still exciting to open up those naughty websites and look around for something new, to talk about how we might add it to our repertoire, whether it excites us or not, whether it would be an improvement on something we already have, whether it might be fun to try something completely new, together.

The toys are still a fixture in my bedroom, but they aren't essential. They're the icing on the cake. They turn things up to 11.

And yeah, maybe I could buy some nicer clothes or a new winter coat if I cut my toy budget in half.

But let's be honest, the toys are a hell of a lot more fun.

I Tried Foria Weed Lube and It Totally Changed My Sex Life

As a college student, I got so high off a space cake in Amsterdam I started an argument with a bag of M&Ms. When I finally sobered up, I decided I was done with marijuana for life. So little did I think, even now that I live in California, that I'd have any interest in anything cannabis related. Until I heard of Foria lubes.

The brand's lubricants promise to enhance "tactile sensations" in the female nether regions—in other words, give you better orgasms. I was slightly skeptical, but since it's always been significantly easier for me to get off with a vibrator than with a partner, I decided to give it a go.

Foria makes two versions: 'Pleasure', which contains THC (and is only available in California and Colorado) and 'Awaken', which is crafted with hemp-derived CBD and other so-called natural aphrodisiacs including kava root, cinnamon, ginger, cacao, vanilla, and peppermint.

Both CBD and THC can enhance arousal by increasing blood flow to the tissue. This can result in increased sensation and less discomfort which equals, as you may have surmised, an easier orgasm. (If you're hoping to get high, sorry to dash your dreams, but the heightened experienced is local to your naughty bits.) In addition to more easily achieved orgasms, both lubes promise enhanced sensation, diminished pain and discomfort, increased desire, and in the case of Pleasure, a sound night's sleep. At $48 for 30ml, I sure hoped so.

Of course, there was only one way to find out.

Since I live in California, I decided to go for gold and try Pleasure first. Foria recommends spraying the lube directly all over your lady parts—clitoris, inner and outer labia, and inside the vagina—then waiting at least 15 minutes before getting busy. (So technically, it's more of a pre-lube.) This is where it gets slightly awkward. Lying around half-naked while your partner (we'll call him J) sprays your nether regions with a lube feels only slightly more exciting than a gynecological exam.

"Make sure you get it everywhere," I said with the seriousness of someone about to embark on a major scientific study.

The bad news is waiting for the entire 15 minutes proved more difficult than we anticipated. We were ready to go and trying to hold back like racehorses champing at the bit. The good news is holy mother of God! This lube might be the greatest contribution to my sex life since the invention of the vibrator. Within minutes, I felt warm and tingly down below. And that was before J even touched me. 

Once he went south, I thought I was going to explode. Every touch was amplified, and every sensation intensified. It was like my entire lady area was having its own personal fireworks show. The big O came quickly and seemingly lasted longer than any other orgasm I could remember. It was like the dial had been turned up from 10 to 15. On a scale of 1-10.

We kept the party going and let's just say Pleasure did not let me down. Even during regular sex, everything felt considerably deeper and more intense than normal. So much so I almost wanted him to stop. Keyword being almost. He kept going and so did I. Hello orgasm number two! 

Unfortunately, men aren't affected by either lube.(Another important note: the lubes aren't compatible with latex condoms.) Though J couldn't experience the same waves of euphoria, (which made me feel a teensy bit sorry for him), he definitely enjoyed himself more than he normally did. By the end we were both covered in sweat, lying there wondering what on earth just happened.

"I'm going to get a heart attack if we keep having sex with that stuff," he said. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't, but his words were a testament to the intensity of the entire experience.

For the sake of science (and to make sure the effects weren't just psychosomatic), we repeated the experiment for a few days to make sure it wasn't just a one-time incident, alternating between Pleasure and Awaken. Suffice it to say, it was not. Though Awaken wasn't as intense Pleasure, it still managed to do the trick. Given how mind-blowingly crazy Pleasure felt, I'd be happy sticking to Awaken most of the time.

Could I get addicted to Foria's weed lubes? It's a distinct possibility. But I'm not sure I would want that level of sensitivity every time I have sex. I might not ever leave the bedroom.

Having said that, am I going to make sure I am fully stocked at all times? Absolutely.

5 G-Spot Sex Positions You Have to Try

The G-spot sometimes seems more complicated than it's worth. To start, scientists are always debating whether or not it even exists. (Remember when they found a new G-spot altogether?) And even if it does, it's hard to get a clear answer on exactly where it is, what it does, and how you'll know you're stimulating it.

That's where we come in. We asked Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel, Ph.D.s, sex therapists, and co-creators of the upcoming book Making Love Real to give us the low down on the G spot: how to find it and once you have, what to do with it.

Before they get into the details, though, they clear up one enduring myth: Yes, the G-spot is a real thing. "It's more of an area than a spot, and sometimes the location of the most sensitivity can be in different parts of the upper wall of the vagina depending on the time of month, the height of arousal, and how much stimulation it has already gotten," admits Hirschman. That might help explain why it seems like such a unicorn-it's something of a moving target.

Explore on Your Own

If this is your first time exploring your G-spot, Hirschman and Harel suggest that you use a contoured sex toy designed specifically for that. Lelo's GIGI 2  is one gorgeous option. If you're looking to spend a little less, try the plastic G-Gasp Delight . Or check out one of these erotic appliance upgrades. "The harder material gives you the power you need to get enough stimulation," Harel explains. Lube the toy up and slide it in you, then tilt it so the head presses against the front wall of your vagina. "When you hit your G-spot, you'll know-you'll feel an intense sensation not only inside, but spreading up through your pelvic area, sending sensations through your center," Hirschman says.

Ask for a Helping Hand

Once you have a good idea of the general area and feeling you're looking for, ask your man to give you a hand. During foreplay, he can use his index and middle finger to find your G-spot then make the infamous "come here" gesture to stimulate it, says Harel. "If you like the idea of squirting, this is the most likely way to do it," she adds. By the way: It might take some cortortionism, but you can do this solo too. After all, female masturbation has some amazing perks.

Do the Modified Doggie

During sex, the best position is a modified doggie style, Harel notes. Rather than being directly behind you, your partner should position his hips slightly above yours, then push down toward your G-spot as he enters you.

Tweak Missionary

Missionary position doesn't need to be boring! It can also be tweaked to be more G-spot friendly, says Hirschman. Have him kneel in front of you (instead of lying on top of you), and put a pillow under your butt to raise your hips up. As he thrusts, he can angle his penis slightly upward, so it rubs against the G-spot.

Try the Leg Glider

One final position that makes stimulating your G-spot during sex easier: Lie on your side with your legs spread apart. Have

Sadness After Sex Is a Real Condition

Believe it or not, it's common for men and women to feel depressed after sex, even if it was awesomely mindblowing. So the next time you get it on and your partner turns away or doesn't want to participate in pillow talk, he's not just being an insensitive jerk.

There's actually a real name for this condition. It's called post-coital tristesse (PCT). It comes from the Latin phrase post-coital and the French word tristesse, and it literally means "sadness." Many people who suffer from PCT will experience strong feelings of sorrow, anxiety, or uneasiness anywhere from immediately after sex to up to two hours later.

Why does this happen? It involves the hormone prolactin. Women have this hormone to make milk, but men have it, too. Your body creates it after an orgasm to counteract the release of dopamine, the hormone responsible for sexual arousal. So the prolactin is believed to cause these feelings of melancholy.

Why else might a person feel sad after sex?

Sex is all about connecting with someone, and while the dopamine surging through your body makes you feel great while you're having sex, afterwards, reality might sink in. You may feel scared or nervous about commitment, so you may want to be alone, or get some emotional (and even physical) distance from the person you were just with. Sex also makes us say things in the heat of the moment, so while your loins made you say "I love you and want to have your children," later on that may not seem like such a good idea.