Why You And Your Partner Fight More Often When You’re Being Less Intimate In The Bedroom

Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that at one point or another, the honeymoon stage ends and things start to get real. You start nitpicking at one another, arguing over just about anything— in fact even just the sight of your partner annoys you. Usually around this time, couples also stop having sex. According to psychologists and experts, this may be the reason why you’re fighting so much.

Relationship. For many couples, there comes a point when someone in the relationship will stop wanting to have sex. Although the other person might pretend to be ok with it in the beginning, eventually tensions will build.

No endorphins. According to Vice, the less sex you and your partner are having, the more you fight. This has to do with the fact that your brain is lacking dopamine and endorphins that all come from having sex. Not to mention the fact that you might start to feel rejected.

Connection. "For many couples—if not the majority—sex represents a significant means of intimate connection, in physical terms of course, but also in an emotional capacity. While it's by no means a perfect correlation, satisfaction with our sex lives tends to be linked with how happy we feel in our relationship generally,” psychologist Amanda Gesselman tells Vice.

Happiness. Gesselman goes on to explain that sex and your happiness in a relationship go hand in hand. The happier you are, the more sex you’re having. However, there are times when your partner may be going through something and sex is the last thing on their minds. This doesn’t mean that the other person is at fault, but it could lead them to think that.

No desire. "A person may interpret this decline as a signal that their partner no longer finds them attractive, no longer enjoys sex with them, or no longer wants to be with them, even if none of these are true,” says Gesselman, as reported by Vice.

Communication. Things only start to get worse when you decided to keep your emotions under wraps, and you don’t communicate with your partner. Things start to bubble up and you begin to become more and more annoyed and upset at your partner. According to Gesselman, these situations can be worse for people who suffer from anxiety.

Validation. "Some research has shown that people with more anxious attachment styles—people who worry a bit more that their partner will leave them, and need more validation—are more likely to view sex as a kind of meter of relationship stability,” continues Gesselman.

Priorities. A second expert, Vanessa Marin, agrees, saying the people Gesselman describes may base their security and self-esteem on their relationships. What’s more is, couples that tend to prioritize other things over sex are essentially sending a message that their relationship comes second to everything else.

Message. ”If your partner turns down sex because they're working on emails or they're just vegging out in front of the TV, it has a way of sending this message that these things are more important than spending time with you,” said Marin, as reported by Vice.

Feelings. While yes, the smart thing to do in a situation like this would be to address it with your partner, a lot of people tend to push these emotions away and refuse to talk about them. Those feelings will eventually resurface, becoming more intense.

Rejection. "We're just not equipped to talk about these feelings of rejection and deal with those feelings of rejection, so we let them simmer inside of ourselves and it stirs up all of these other old feelings of rejection. It takes you back to when you were in elementary school and getting picked last for the dodgeball team,” continues Marin.

Communication. Marin, who says she deals with a lot of these issues when she counsels couples, says it all boils down to communication. This is one of the most important things you can have in a relationship, and the only way to prevent your problems from getting worse.

Creative. Marin says that another way to make sure your sex life is reignited is by switching things up in the bedroom. Sometimes couples stop having sex because it gets boring and repetitive, and the best way to fix this is by getting creative.

Different ways. "A lot of couples tend to default to intercourse. You have to create a bigger menu. There's a lot of different ways to have sex, but we lose our creativity and think that we've got to do the same old, same old,” said Marin, as reported by Vice.

You. Do you see any of these characteristics mentioned above in your relationship? Are you and your partner guilty of not communicating? Be sure to share your experiences with us!